Page 86 of Searching for Valor

Zak barked out a laugh. “From the shade of red he’s turning, I’d say you’re right, baby.”

Rylan flipped them both off good-naturedly. “Y’all are worse than a couple of gossipy church ladies, you know that?”

“Can you blame us? We’ve been watching you two dance around each other for months,” Anna said. “It’s about damn time. I was starting to think I’d have to lock you two in a room together until you sorted things out.“

Rylan snorted. “Like that would’ve ended well.” Though, the idea of being locked in a room with Izzy held a certain appeal... He shook his head. “Anyway, I have some more people to apologize to.”

Zak tilted his head toward the hallway that led to the command center. “Sawyer’s at his desk.”

“Thanks.” With dread roiling in his gut, he strode in that direction.

“Hey, Ry,” Zak called. “We’ve got a crisis on our hands here. We could use you.”

He nodded and had to clear his throat to speak. “You have me.”

Sawyer’s shoulders tightened when Rylan entered. “If you’re here to throw my insecurities in my face again, you can fuck off.” His voice was flat, so unlike his usual cheerful self.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“Your footsteps. Donovan’s are heavy. Zak’s prosthetic leg makes a tapping sound. Pierce’s has a slight scuffing sound, especially when his back is bothering him. Ash marches like he’s on a mission. Shane doesn’t make noise and always startles me.Your steps are... measured, steady.” Sawyer swiveled his chair around, fixing Rylan with his sightless gaze. “So. What do you want?”

Rylan’s chest squeezed. He hated seeing the normally bright, energetic man so subdued. And he hated even more that he was the reason for it. He took a step into the room. “To apologize.”

Sawyer’s jaw clenched. “Go on then.”

“You were only trying to help, and I lashed out at you. It was wrong of me, and I’m sorry. Truly.” The words felt inadequate, but they were all he had.

Sawyer turned back to his computer, and continued typing, his screen reader filling the silence with such fast speech, it sounded like a foreign language. Finally he sighed and his figures stilled on the keyboard. The computer fell silent.

“What you said, it cut deep.”

Guilt gnawed at Rylan’s insides. He’d known exactly what insecurities to target to cause the most damage. “I know. I calculated it to.”

Sawyer let out a humorless laugh. “Well, you succeeded. Hit the bullseye on that one.” He faced Rylan again, his cloudy blue eyes narrowed. “I get that you were hurting, man. But that shit you said… it was cruel. And it made me doubt myself, doubt my place on this team, doubt my relationship with Lucy.”

“Jesus, I was wrong, Sawyer. So fucking wrong. You are an invaluable part of this team. We wouldn’t be half as effective without you and your skills on that computer. And Lucy is madly in love with you. You should never doubt how she feels.“

“It was cruel,” Sawyer repeated. “But you were right.” He scoffed. “Even when you were lashing out, pushing us away, you were still giving good advice. I needed to talk to her. I needed to tell her how I was feeling, how afraid I was that she’d realize being with a blind man is no picnic and leave me.”

Rylan’s chest tightened. Sawyer was too good a man to be plagued by those kinds of doubts. “And did you? Talk to her?”

Sawyer nodded. “That day. I left the hospital and waited until she got home from work. It was… terrifying, but good. I told her everything, all my fears and doubts. And you know what she said? That she loves me, all of me, and nothing will change that. That my blindness doesn’t define me or make me any less in her eyes.”

Relief washed through Rylan. “I’m glad, man. Really. You two are good together.”

“We are,” Sawyer agreed. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth before he sobered. “But I want you to know, what you said... it hurt like hell. I trusted you, considered you a friend. Family, even. And you betrayed that trust. It’s going to take time for me to fully trust you again. But...” He paused, seeming to search for the right words. “I also know you’re a good man, Rylan. One who’s been through hell and back. I understand lashing out, pushing people away. It’s a defense mechanism. I did it, too, after I lost my sight. You were angry, but more than that, I think you were scared.”

Trust Sawyer to see right through him, even without his eyes.

Rylan swallowed past the lump that seemed to have taken up a permanent residence in his throat. “When I woke up and realized where I was, and why I was there… Iwasscared. I was terrified that I could do something like that to myself.”

Sawyer pointed at him. “And that right there is why I forgive you. Trauma can make us do things we never thought ourselves capable of. But you know what else it can do? Make us stronger. More resilient. Help us grow. You made a mistake, Ry. A big one. But it doesn’t define you unless you let it. What defines you is how you move forward from here.”

Rylan huffed out a laugh. “Jesus. When did you get so wise?”

A grin flashed across Sawyer’s face. “I’ve always been wise. You bastards just never take my advice until after the damage is done.” He turned back to his computer. “Hey, did you see your Terminator arm is going into mass production soon? QuenTech Bionics just inked a deal with Stroud Dynamics to manufacture them.”

Rylan blinked in surprise and moved closer to see one of his screens. “Wait, really? I hadn’t heard.”

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