Page 70 of Searching for Valor

“No, that was all your husband’s doing.”

“But you talked to him when he needed guidance, helped him coax me out of my shell.”

“Connelly would have figured it out without me.”

“Maybe. But he didn’t have to. Because you were there for him, like you’ve been there for so many of us.” Veronica shifted to face him fully. “And I realize now we’ve taken you for granted. We dumped all our shit on you and never stopped to think that maybe one day you might buckle under the weight.”

He froze, his hand halfway down Alfie’s back. The little dog looked at him with a question in those soft brown eyes, so he continued stroking, focusing harder than necessary on the task. “I’m your counselor. That’s my job.”

“It’s not your job to carry us all by yourself,” she countered. “You’re human, Rylan. You’re allowed to need help, too. You’ve been there for all of us, so now let us be there for you.”

Rylan swallowed hard, his throat tight. He wanted to argue, to insist he was fine, that he could handle this on his own. But the words wouldn’t come. Because deep down, he knew she was right. He had been drowning for months, struggling to keep his head above water as the burden of everyone else’s pain threatened to drag him under.

“I don’t know how,” he admitted, his voice rough. “I’ve been the one people lean on for so long, I don’t know how to let someone else carry the load.”

Veronica reached over and squeezed his arm. “You start by letting one person in. Just one. And then go from there.”

One person. He could do that. But who? His mind immediately went to Izzy, but he pushed the thought away. Things with her were too complicated, too raw.

As if reading his mind, Veronica said softly, “You should call her.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “What?”

“You heard me. Call her.” Veronica’s gaze was steady, knowing. “She’s the one you want to talk to right now. The one you need.”

“How did you?—“

“Please. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other when you think no one’s watching. She should be the one you let in.”

Jesus, were they that obvious?

He dragged a hand over his face. “No. Things with her are… complicated.”

“Connelly was my person,” Veronica mused and stood, dusting off her jeans. “But I fought tooth and nail against letting him in at first because things were complicated with us, too. We had a lot of history— not all of it good. A lot of hurt.”

Veronica whistled for Rebel, who came bounding over. “But in the end, I realized that’s exactly why he needed to be my person. Because despite our complicated history, he understood me better than anyone. He knew all my dark places, and he loved me anyway.” She looked down at Rylan, her expression soft as she scooped up Alfie. “Just something to think about.”

She started down the steps, Rebel falling into step beside her.

“Veronica,” he called.

She paused at the bottom and looked back at him.

It took a moment for him to find the right words, and once he did, it took another to work them past the hard lump in his throat. “What I said in the hospital… using what I know about your struggles like that… it was cruel. I wanted to hurt you all because I was hurting, and?—”

Jesus. He’d done the same thing to her that Jax had to Shane. Lashed out to make the people around him hurt because he couldn’t stop his own pain.

“I’m sorry,” he finished, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to forgive me,” he added quickly when he saw the flash of pain in her eyes. “I just need you to know how fucking sorry I am for weaponizing your demons like that.”

She rubbed a hand over her eyes and cleared her throat. Then, to his surprise, she set Alfie down, closed the distance between them, and wrapped her arms around him in a hard hug. Veronica was a sexual assault survivor. She didn’t offer physical affection freely or easily, and the fact that she was hugging him now meant more than any words of forgiveness ever could.

“I’ve already forgiven you, Rylan.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Says you.” She held on a moment longer, then released him and stepped back, swiping at her eyes. “Please do me a favor and call her. Don’t be alone tonight if you don’t have to be.”

With that, she turned and headed down the driveway, Rebel and Alfie trotting at her heels. Rylan watched until they disappeared into the gathering dusk before letting out a shaky breath.

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