Page 56 of Searching for Valor

“I don’t want him.” Rylan turned away, his fingers tightening around the neck of the bottle still clutched in his hand. He should throw it out, hide the evidence of his weakness, but he couldn't seem to make himself let go of it. The thought of breaking the bottle and slicing open his wrists still taunted him, a siren's call he was struggling to resist. He closed his eyes and fought against the dark urge.

Valor let out a soft whine, and Rylan felt a warm, wet nose nudge against his hand. Startled, he looked down to see the dogpressing close, his gaze fixed on Rylan's face with an intensity that stole his breath.

"He's not taking no for an answer," Zak said quietly. "And neither am I. Valor’s staying. You don’t have to like it, but he’s staying. One night. That’s all I’m asking. If you don’t want him tomorrow, I’ll take him back.”

Rylan's throat worked as he swallowed, his grip on the bottle loosening. "I'm not... I can't..." The words stuck, lodged somewhere between his heart and his tongue.

"One night,” Zak repeated. He crossed his arms over his chest, his stance making it clear that this wasn’t up for negotiation.

Rylan wanted to tell him to fuck off, to grab the dog with the too-knowing eyes and throw them both out.

But instead, the words that came out of his mouth were, “Fine. One night.”

Zak’s lips quirked into a ghost of a smile. “Good choice.” He bent to ruffle Valor’s ears. “You take care of our friend, all right?”

Valor’s tail thumped against the floor as he leaned into Zak’s touch. Then, with a final pat, Zak straightened and headed for the door. He paused on the threshold, glancing back.

“He’ll help you tonight.”

Rylan didn’t respond. Couldn’t respond. His jaw was clenched so tight it ached. Zak sighed, and then he was gone.

The dog turned those too-intelligent eyes toward him again.

“What are you looking at?”

Valor's tail thumped once, but otherwise, he remained still, steady, waiting. His eyes flicked to the bottle, as if saying,“What are you doing with that?”

There was no judgment in the animal’s gaze. No condemnation. Just curiosity, but it made shame burn through him. His throat closed up and he tore his gaze away. His fingers flexed around the bottle's neck as a reckless anger flared in hischest. What did this dog know? What right did Zak have to dump this animal on him and expect it to fix anything?

In a surge of bitter fury, he raised the bottle, ready to smash it against the edge of the kitchen counter. The glass would shatter, jagged pieces flying, and he could take one?—

A sharp bark cracked through the red haze. Valor was on his feet now, hackles raised, lips curled back from gleaming teeth. A low, warning growl rumbled in his chest as he stared Rylan down with fierce, unflinching eyes.

Valor took a step forward, then another, closing the distance between them with purposeful strides. Rylan remained frozen, his arm still raised, the bottle gripped tight. The dog's eyes never left his, and in their amber depths, Rylan saw a challenge. A demand.

"Don't,"those eyes seemed to say."Don't you dare."

Slowly, carefully, Valor stretched his neck and gently grasped Rylan's wrist in his mouth, applying just enough pressure to make his point. Rylan's fingers went slack, and the bottle slipped from his grasp. It hit the floor with a dull thud, rolling across the hardwood until it bumped against the base of the cabinets.

Valor released his wrist and sat back on his haunches, his point made. Rylan stared at him, his heart hammering against his ribs. The dog had stopped him. Had seen the darkness rising up to swallow him whole and had stepped in to pull him back from the edge.

A shudder racked his frame, and his legs buckled. He sank to the floor, his back pressed against the cabinets. Valor closed the remaining distance between them and laid down, resting his head on Rylan's thigh. The warm weight was grounding, an anchor in the storm raging inside him.

Rylan's hand shook as he lowered it to the dog's head, his fingers sinking into the thick, silky fur. Valor let out a soft sigh, his body relaxing into the touch.

"You're a persistent little shit, aren't you?" Rylan finally said, his voice rough. Valor's tail thumped once in response, and he could have sworn the dog was smiling.

No. It was too much. It was… all too much.

He pushed the dog off his lap and shoved to his feet. “Don’t get cocky. You’re still gone in the morning.”

The dog didn’t react. Just laid his head down on his paws and closed his eyes, still smiling that enigmatic doggie smile.

Rylan ignored him and staggered toward his bedroom, his head pounding from the alcohol, his body aching with exhaustion. He collapsed onto the bed, not bothering to undress. The room spun around him, and he closed his eyes, willing the vertigo to pass.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept in this bed sober. Usually, he drank until he passed out, seeking oblivion in the bottom of a bottle. But tonight, with Valor's watchful presence in the other room, he felt a flicker of something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Shame. Regret. A desperate, aching longing for a different life. One where he wasn't drowning in guilt and self-loathing. One where he could look at himself in the mirror without wanting to put his fist through the glass.

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