Page 48 of Searching for Valor

He took another swig of his spiked coffee, relishing the burn as it slid down his throat. Maybe if he drank enough, he could forget. Forget the way he’d failed his SEAL team. Forget how flames had burst at Alejandro’s feet, blowing him apart. Forget Fuse’s scream as the fire consumed him, too. Forget how Mack had looked at him, blood bubbling from his lips as he’d gasped out his last words. Forget the way his own arm had felt, hanging useless and shattered at his side.

Most of all, forget the way he’d hesitated. The way fear had seized him, holding him frozen in place as the ambush unfolded around them. Those few seconds had cost Mack, Alejandro, and Fuse their lives. Cost him his arm and his career.

Now here he was, nine years later, still fighting those same demons. Still trying to prove he was worthy of the uniform he no longer wore. Worthy of the brothers who stood by his side.

He’d let his SEAL team down all those years ago. Had he really thought he wouldn’t ultimately let this team down, too?

The sound of a car in his driveway made his stomach twist. He grabbed the empty bottle of bourbon from the table in front of him and shoved it under his chair. And he waited. The slidingdoor scraped open behind him. He didn’t turn to see who it was. He already knew.

“Hey,” Rhiannon said softly, her voice carrying that calm, familiar warmth that always made him feel both comforted and exposed. “Care for some company?”

“No.”

“Too bad.” She walked over to the railing and let out a soft exhale full of wonder. “When you first came to Steam Valley, I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t go home to Mom and Dad in Kentucky. But this place is… breathtaking.”

The viewwasbreathtaking, a sweeping panorama of the rolling hills and dense forest stretching to the horizon. A single towering pine stood sentinel at the edge of the deck, its silhouette sharp against the fading light. Most of the trees here remain green year round, but the maples were at peak now, dotting the hills with bright pops of orange and yellow.

This deck with its weather-faded furniture was the reason he’d bought the place when he decided to stay in California. The cabin itself was small and in desperate need of some modern upgrades, but the view more than made up for its shortcomings. It was a sanctuary, a place to escape the noise in his head.

At least, it used to be.

But the noise was so loud now, so relentless, that not even this view could drown it out. Only booze seemed to work, and even that was losing its power because he was well on his way to drunk and the noise still persisted.

He glanced sideways at his sister. She wasn’t looking at him, her gaze focused on the horizon as the sun slipped lower, staining the clouds with streaks of coral and lavender.

“I get it now.” She turned to face him, her expression gentle. “It’s peaceful here. It’s healing. It’s exactly what you needed.”

Rylan’s jaw tightened. “If you came here to lecture me about what I need, you can save it. I’ve had enough of people telling me how to fix myself this week.”

She shook her head, her long ponytail swinging with the motion. “That’s not why I’m here. I would never do that to you.”

“Then why are you here?”

She didn’t respond right away. Instead, she moved to sit in the chair beside him, close enough that he could see the flecks of gold in her green eyes. “Because I love you. Because I’m worried about you. And because... I think maybe you need someone to just sit with you right now.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

He stared out at the horizon. The last light of day painted the sky in deep purples and blues, a single star winking into existence above the trees. His vision blurred. The bourbon was hitting him harder than he’d realized. Or maybe it was the exhaustion from multiple sleepless nights in a row. He took another sip of his spiked coffee, relishing the burn as it slid down his throat, but then he felt guilty and set the mug down.

Rhiannon watched him with knowing eyes, but still didn’t say anything more. She just sat there in companionable silence, letting nature fill the space between them with the wind’s soft song and the distant hooting of an owl. He wanted silence, but not like this. Not this uncomfortable, heavy silence, full of unsaid words and unspoken feelings.

“Clever, sis,” he muttered, a hot flash of irritation burning up the back of his neck. He recognized the tactic all too well—it was one he used during therapy sessions. And, apparently, he wasn’t immune to it. “Using silence as an interrogation technique.”

“I’m just here, Ry,” she said softly. “No interrogation, no judgment, no agenda. Just… here.”

The sincerity of her words made his throat tighten. He swallowed hard and looked away, blinking back the sudden sting in his eyes.

A moment passed, then another.

The silence was too much.

“How’s Pierce?” he asked finally. He figured her boyfriend was a safe-ish topic. When Rhiannon and Pierce started dating, Pierce had elected to drive to Eureka for counseling instead of seeing Rylan, so he truly didn’t know how the man was anymore.

Her lips curved into a small smile. “He’s good. Busy with some new project he’s been working on with Sawyer and—honestly, I don’t even know what it is. They get together, and they’re two geeky peas in a pod with their own language.”

Rylan huffed out a breath, not quite a laugh. Sawyer couldn’t see, and Pierce couldn’t speak, yet somehow, those two were the best of friends. “If he’s building another doomsday device, I’d appreciate the heads up before California falls into the Pacific.”

She sighed and shook her head in exasperation. “Rylan… be nice.”

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