Page 45 of Searching for Valor

She hung up and turned to Zak one last time. “Tell him… tell him I’m glad he’s okay.”

Zak nodded, his expression solemn. “I will.”

She held herself together until she climbed into Mateo’s truck, the door slamming shut behind her. Then, the floodgates opened. Sobs wracked her body, tears streaming down her face as she curled into herself, feeling like her heart was being ripped out of her chest.

Mateo didn’t say a word. He just reached over and pulled her into a tight hug, letting her cry against his shoulder until her sobs turned to shuddering breaths and her tears ran dry.

When she finally pulled back, he wiped the last of her tears with his thumbs. “Whose ass do I have to kick?”

Izzy let out a choked laugh, the sound half-sob, half-snort. “No one’s. It’s my own damn fault.”

Mateo’s brow furrowed. “What happened, Issa? You, Mamá,Papá,Abuela? You’ve all been acting weird for months. The other day, Diego dropped a hammer in the garage and I swear I saw Papá lose ten years off his life. He’s twitchy as hell.”

She shook her head, and shifted out of his reach, staring out the windshield at the hospital parking lot as a fresh sheen of fresh tears blurred her vision. “I messed up, Teo. I messed up so bad.”

Her brother was quiet for a long moment. Then he reached over and tugged on her braid like he always had when they were kids. ”Start from the beginning.”

So she did. The words poured out of her like blood from an open wound— halting and painful at first, then faster, tumbling over each other in their haste to be heard. She told him about the safe house, about the men who broke into their parents’ house and held them hostage:

“They called me. They told me it was either my family or Redwood Coast Rescue. I chose our family, and people were injured because of it. People are still getting injured.”

She told him about the attack that followed, the Redwood Coast Rescue members who were injured, Pierce and Rhiannon being taken hostage. She told him about the fallout, the anger and betrayal that had shattered her job and all of her relationships, including the budding one with Rylan. She told him about Monica showing up asking for her help to find the kids, the human trafficker that Monica was apparently dating, and Rylan’s overdose.

When she finally fell silent, her throat raw and her eyes gritty, he let out a long, slow breath.

“Jesus, Issa,” he murmured. “Men with guns held our parents and abuela hostage, and you didn’t say anything?”

She should have known that would be the first thing he’d latch onto. She shrugged, picking at a loose thread on her jeans. “Papá decided it was best not to worry you all. He thought the fewer people who knew, the safer everyone would be.”

Mateo ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up in unruly spikes. “That’s bullshit. We’re family. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs, no matter what.”

She swiped at her damp cheeks. “I know. I wanted to tell you, but… I was scared. I didn’t want to put you in danger, too. And after what happened with Rylan and the others getting hurt because of what I did…” Her voice cracked. “I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face them. I couldn’t face you. I’m a coward.“

“Hey.” Mateo reached over and gripped her hand. “You’re not. You’re the farthest thing from it. You made an impossible choice, Issa. No one should ever have to decide between their family and their friends like that.”

Izzy squeezed her brother’s hand back, grateful for his unwavering support even as her heart ached. “I just keep hurting people, Teo. No matter what I do, I make things worse. Maybe it’s better if I stay away from all of them.”

Mateo shook his head vehemently. “No way. That’s not the Izzy I know. The Izzy I know doesn’t run from her problems—she faces them head-on, even when it’s hard as hell. Especially when it’s hard as hell.”

A wry smile tugged at her lips despite the heaviness in her chest. “I think that Izzy got lost somewhere along the way.”

“Then you find her again,” Mateo said firmly. He reached out and tapped her chest, right over her heart. “She’s still in there. And she doesn’t give up.” He gave her a searching look. “What do you want to do, Issa? Really.”

Izzy closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. The answer was simple, even if the execution seemed impossible. “I want to make things right. With Rylan, with the team, with everyone I’ve hurt. I want to fix what I broke, but I don’t know how.“

Mateo squeezed her hand again, his grip warm and solid. “One step at a time, sis. You start by forgiving yourself. You made a choice— an impossible one, but still a choice. Own it. Learn from it. But don’t let it define you.”

She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Forgiving herself felt like an insurmountable task when the weight of her guilt was crushing her, but Mateo was right.

She couldn’t move forward until she stopped dragging the chains of her past mistakes.

chapter

sixteen

The room was too bright.Too sterile. Too loud, even in its silence. The steady beep of the heart monitor grated on Rylan’s nerves, each sound hammering into his skull like a nail.

He didn’t need to look around to know where he was. The IV in his arm, the rough hospital blanket draped over him, and the faint antiseptic smell all told him enough. He’d been here before. Different circumstances, same crushing feeling of failure.

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