Page 40 of Searching for Valor

“Yeah, I’m good,” Bella said. “He’s not what I imagined, you know? I think I needed to meet him just to understand where I came from. But he’s not my dad.Youare.”

His breath caught on the lump rising in his throat. She said it so easily like it wasn’t even a question. He didn’t deserve to feel this relieved, but damn it, he was.

“You’ll always be our daughter, Bells. Nothing changes that.”

“I know.” Bella was quiet for a moment, then she added, “I love you, Dad. I’m really glad I met you on that highway.”

He thought back to that night. He’d been high and drunk and had hit rock bottom. He’d taken his motorcycle out on the highway with every intention ofSons of Anarchy-ing himself into the first big object he found at full speed. That first objecthad been Bella’s camper van. Her face, ghost-white and terrified in the splash of his headlight, had been the reason he’d nixed the plan. He still crashed, but he survived, and now he had Anna, the girls, his dogs, and his team.

That scared, smart, determined sixteen year old girl had saved his life.

“I’m really fucking glad you did, too,” he replied finally.

They chatted for a few more minutes before Bella had to go, and when the call ended, Zak set the phone down on the counter, staring at it for a long moment. He should have felt better—he didfeel better. Bella wasn’t slipping away from them, wasn’t replacing them with her birth father. But the guilt still lingered, gnawing at him.

“You okay?” Anna’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Zak looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway, her eyes filled with concern. She must have heard the tail end of the conversation. She always knew when something was weighing on him.

“Yeah,” he said, though it didn’t feel entirely true. “She met him.”

Anna’s eyes widened and she sat down next to him at the counter, reaching for his hand. “How did it go?”

He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, soothing himself as much as her as his gaze drifted back to the adoption paperwork. “She said it was weird. That she didn’t feel a connection.”

Anna squeezed his hand. “It feels wrong to say that’s good, that I’m glad, but?—”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been so afraid of this. Afraid of losing her.”

Anna’s hand tightened around his. “You’re not losing her, Zak. You never were.”

But we are losing Rylan.

As the wayward thought crossed his mind, Zak froze and tried to pinpoint where it had come from and why it had come through so loudly, like a blaring alarm.

And suddenly, he knew.

Remembering that night he’d nearly killed himself all those years ago, the night Bella saved him just by being at the right place at the exact right time, had shaken loose another memory. Or, more, a series of them—all the mornings Rylan had come in late looking like hell, all the excuses, his disconnection from the team, his uncharacteristic flares of temper.

It all added up to a picture Zak didn’t like.

He exhaled in a rush. “Fuck.”

Anna tilted her head, a line of concern forming between her brows. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not thinking about Bella anymore?”

She always could read him like a book.

“Because I’m not.” He reached for his phone again and accessed the voicemail Izzy had left.

Hi, Zak. I’m sorry to call. I know I’m probably the last person you want to speak to, but… have you seen Rylan? Is he okay? I’m worried. You don’t have to call me back, just… No, I guess I do need you to call me back and tell me he’s okay. Or at least text me. This number’s good for either. Okay. Um, thanks.

Even before the message ended, he was on his feet, headed to the back door that lead out to the RWCR’s grounds behind their house. “Is Rylan at work?” he called over his shoulder to Anna, since he hadn’t been out there yet this morning and she had.

“I assumed so, but I didn’t see him.” She followed him to the door. “Why? What’s going on?”

He paused at the threshold and looked back at her. “Maybe nothing. Probably nothing, but… I have a bad feeling. He’s been off lately, and now Izzy’s calling worried about him. I need to check on him.”

Understanding dawned in her eyes, followed quickly by fear. “You don’t think he’d…”

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