Page 24 of Searching for Valor

She closed her eyes, fighting the wave of emotion that threatened to sweep her under again. It shouldn’t matter. A word was just a word, wasn’t it? But coming from him, it felt like a lifeline and a knife all at once.

She pushed off the counter and turned to face him, forcing herself to stand tall even though she felt like crumbling. “We won’t find them if we don’t have a place to start looking.”

“We’ve already started looking,” Rylan said, stepping closer. His hand twitched at his side like he wanted to reach out to her but didn’t know if he should. Instead, he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, his shoulders stiff. “I know my team. They’re invested now. They won’t rest until those kids are found.”

Izzy caught the careful way he avoided sayinghowthey’d find the kids—safe, unharmed, alive. But she didn’t call him out on it because she knew as well as he did that the odds of a positive outcome decreased with every passing hour.

He was close enough now that she could see the lines of exhaustion around his eyes and the subtle tremor in his hand. The urge to reach out and smooth away the tension in his brow was nearly overwhelming, but she clenched her fists at her sides instead. He was not well—he was struggling—and she wondered why nobody on his team seemed to notice.

"When's the last time you slept?" she asked, unable to keep the concern from her voice.

And his guard went right back up. She saw the exact moment he locked the shields in place between them. His gaze went cold and flinty again. “That’s none of your business.”

"You're right. It's not my business anymore. Guess it never really was, was it? We never got that far..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "Forget it. Let's go see if the others found anything." She moved to step around him, careful not to let their bodies touch, afraid that even the barest contact felt like it would shatter her fragile composure.

“Iz, wait.” His voice was low, almost hesitant. “I know things between us are... complicated.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” She didn’t turn around. She was afraid if she did, she’d burst into tears, throw herself into his arms, and beg that he forgive her when she knew damn well he never would. “You hate me, and you have every right.”

“I don’t hate you. I’m angry, and I’m hurt, but as hard as I try, as much as I want to…” He exhaled a shaky breath that sounded almost like an incredulous laugh. “I can’t hate you.”

“You should,” she whispered and finally faced him.

“Yeah, well, we both know I’m not always great at doing what I should.” He shook his head, a wry twist to his lips. “Look, whatever else is between us, I just… need you to know that I’m here.”

“And I appreciate it. I know Monica appreciates it, too.”

Except where was Monica? The niggling worry crept back in. Monica was almost pathologically punctual. If she said she’d be somewhere at a particular time, she never canceled and always showed up before anyone else.

“I’m not here for her. Or for the kids,” Rylan said after a beat that had stretched into uncomfortable silence territory. He hesitated, then took a step closer. He reached out, his handbrushing hers. The touch was fleeting, so light she might have imagined it, but it sent a jolt through her all the same. She met his gaze, her breath lodged in her throat.

Rylan’s expression was earnest, his hazel eyes searching her face. In that moment, she wanted so badly to believe him—to believe that he was here for her, too. That despite everything, some small part of him still cared.

A spark of hope flickered in her chest, but she quickly tamped it down. She couldn’t afford to let herself believe, not when she’d already lost so much. Rylan must have seen the doubt in her eyes because he sighed, his hand falling back to his side.

“Never mind. We should get back to the others and see if they found anything useful.”

He turned toward the door, but she caught his arm on impulse. “Rylan.”

He tensed, the muscles in his forearm bunching like he planned to yank away.

“Thank you,” she said softly before he could.

Two lines of confusion appeared between his brows. “For what?”

“For coming here. For listening to me even when…” She trailed off, unable to finish the thought.Even when I gave you every reason to walk away. Even when I broke your trust.

He shook his head, a small, rueful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Listening is my job.”

His job. That was all she could ever be to him now. Of course.

Her hand fell away from his arm. “I just…” She wet her lips and struggled to find the right words. “I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. Or Rhiannon. Or anyone else. I was only trying to protect my family.”

Pain flashed in his eyes before he shuttered it away. He opened his mouth to respond?—

The front door swung open with a bang, startling them both. Izzy whirled around, her hand instinctively going to the gun she no longer carried.

Shane stood in the doorway. It was hard to tell through all of his scar tissue, but his expression looked grim. “We’ve got something.”

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