Page 80 of Something Blue

I haven’t seen her in a week, and I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.

I haven’t been eating well and I have barely been sleeping.

Rufino has been checking in with me daily but I have nothing to tell him. The truth is I’m falling apart.

It’s late afternoon and I’m sitting on my sofa, staring out of the window at nothing at all.

I hear my door unlocking and my entire body goes tense.

It must be Rufino. Fuck. I need to relax. They have the spare key to my penthouse for emergencies.

“Hey man, I’m in here.” I call out when the door opens.

“Celso?” there is a pause. “I let myself in - um - I still have the key.”

Her voice. It rings through the air like the sweetest, most beautiful melody I’ve ever heard.

I leap out of the sofa and run into the foyer.

Not giving it a moment’s thought I grab her in my arms and hold her against me, burying my face in her soft, silky hair.

She is stiff in my embrace. But I can’t find it in myself to let her go.

“Celso.” Her voice is soft, uncertain.

I step back with difficulty. Neve is dressed in white sweatpants, her blue Nike sneakers and a blue crop top. She looks gorgeous, as cute as ever, but her eyes are tired.

There are dark shadows beneath them, and it breaks my heart to see her like this.

I glance down at myself. I haven’t left the house in days. I am a wreck.

Brushing my hands over my clothes I clear my throat self-consciously.

“Neve - you’re here.” Is all I can say, my throat tight and stiff around all the words I want to say to her.

“I came to talk.” She says, taking a little step away and creating space between us.

“Sure, come in, can I get you something to drink? A coffee? A whisky? A glass of fresh orange juice?” I’m rambling. I need to shut up.

“Can we talk?” She asks, biting her lip.

I nod, gesturing for her to go through to the living room. I follow behind her, my eyes taking in every movement, my mind wondering if I am hallucinating.

She sits on the couch, on the edge of the seat, looking uncomfortable and as though she might get up and run out at any second.

I pace up and down near the window.

“Neve, I’m so sorry.” I blurt out. “I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted - I wanted you and I did crazy, stupid things to get you. I can’t even tell you that if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t be as stupid - I probably would.” I sigh, brushing my hand through my hair.

I’m nervous. My shoulders are tense.

“Can you sit down, you’re giving me anxiety.” She murmurs, taking a deep breath.

“Sorry.” I sigh, sitting in the seat opposite her even though I want to sit next to her and drag her onto my lap. I want to hold her and never let go. I could lock the doors and keep her prisoner -

Fuck.

I want to do that so badly.

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