Page 79 of Something Blue

Celso was the first person ever who let me be myself.

He is the first person ever who put me first - over everything else. Above his work, above his needs and wants - he put me first.

My heart clenches and I cry again.

I have to find a way through this.

Two days drift by in a fog. I can’t think straight. My heart is getting heavier the longer I try to stayaway from Celso. I keep crying and I am completely and utterly lost.

And he has continued to send gifts and messages.

This morning a customized four by four Jeep arrived for me. It has a full body kit, full off-road gear and even one of those roof top tents built into the roof racks.

The note attached to the steering wheel saidfor the adventures we might have in the future. I want to drive far and get lost with you. I want to sleep under the stars and make wishes when they shoot across the sky. I want to watch the moon and swim in wild rivers. I love you, my angel, and I will never give up.

The letter got to me more than anything else.

Those are the exact things I want to do.

All my life I’ve been trying to escape these walls, these expectations, these rules for my life.

All my life I’ve been looking for someone like Celso to share my hopes and dreams with. Now I found him, through some crazy, awkward, wild coincidence the universe gave me everything I ever wanted - and then took it away.

Except - it didn’t take it away.

Celso is still very much here, very much fighting for me. He hasn’t given up and doesn’t seem like he intends to.

How many kinds of stupid would I be if I gave up on a man who is willing to do so much to win me back?

And everything he did - everything that drove me away from him when I found out - all of those things saved me in a way. Each thing he did to control my life ended up benefiting me. Marrying Damion would have been hell. Going to a college I only want to attend to escape my father - it was a stupid idea.

Each of those idiots I dated were all approved by my father.

My life has not been my own, not until I met Celso.

I should at least talk to him.

I don’t have to make any decisions - I can go see him and see how it makes me feel when I’m there.

My heart constricts in my chest.

I know how it will make me feel.

Because I am still madly in love with him.

I’m terrified of letting myself admit that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Celso

After I had a mental break down Mas and Rufino had the doctor dose me up with sedatives and I slept like a rock for twelve hours straight.

When I woke up Rufino was sitting next to my bed.

He told me what he went through, all the fires and all the damage and how he almost killed the woman he loves. He told me not to be stupid and to figure out a different way to fix this.

After that I pulled myself together at least somewhat and I’ve been patiently doing everything I can to communicate with Neve and win her backinto my life. Perhaps not as patiently as I would like, but I’m trying.

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