Page 172 of Gunner

“I need it cold.” I tried to change the temperature, but Gunner grabbed my hand.

“Ben,” he said softly. “You’re only delaying the inevitable. You lost your sister tonight. It’s okay to feel.”

“Is it? Because I hate myself, Gunner. Jasper’s right. This is all my fault. All my fucking fault!”

Sobs racked my body, the sound reverberating off the tiles as if the walls were mourning with me.

“I know you feel that way, but it’s not.” Gunner grabbed me by the neck and pulled me into him. “You did not cause Alice’s death. Thoms and Getty are responsible for that. And they’ll pay dearly. We’ll make them pay.”

I pressed my face into Gunner’s neck and allowed myself to be consumed by the waves of grief crashing over me, sapping my energy. But Gunner held on, keeping me grounded, preventing me from becoming completely lost in the abyss of guilt and despair.

44

GUNNER

Being with Gunner should make me happy. I am happy. But I still miss Ben.

Iloathed waking up Ben. He’d cried so much last night I’d been worried sick about him. In the end, I’d called Jamie, and he’d dropped by with some sleeping pills to help Ben relax. He’d still slept fitfully, which had kept me awake for most of the night, but I didn’t mind. Anything to be there for him. I couldn’t imagine his pain. I’d been a mess over the death of a man who’d treated me like shit much less a sister.

Zeus was snuggled up to Ben in the big bed, not sleeping. As soon as I entered, he raised his head. Normally, he would run toward me, but he seemed in tune with Ben’s emotions and the turmoil he was going through. He whimpered and looked at Ben.

“I know, boy,” I said softly. This morning I’d made him a breakfast fit for a king. It was no less than he deserved for saving my hide last night. “We’re gonna have to take care of our man.”

I sat next to Ben and caressed his shoulder. He let out a soft moan.

“Ben,” I said, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Ben, wake up.”

Ben stirred, his eyelids fluttering open. His eyes were bloodshot, swollen, with dark circles. For a second, he started to smile, and I could tell the instant he remembered everything. He closed his eyes and rolled over onto his back.

“Woof!” Zeus planted his paws on Ben’s chest and licked his face.

“Ugh. Zeus, your breath.”

Chuckling, I gently pushed Zeus’s head out of the way. “How are you feeling?”

“Like death.”

“But you’re feeling. That’s the good thing.”

“I want to sleep some more.”

Guilt and concern gnawed at me. “It’s almost noon.”

“What’s the point of getting up?”

“Jamie called. He arranged for you to see your sister’s body before they do the autopsy. The police department is requiring it to build their case against Thoms.”

“Okay.”

After ensuring Ben was out of bed and in the shower, I made my way downstairs, Zeus at my heels. In the kitchen, I prepared a simple breakfast of toast and eggs. Ben probably wouldn’t eat, but I had to try. At least it gave me something to do other than twiddling my thumbs. While waiting on Ben to wake up, I’d almost gone off to take my frustration out on Thoms. The cops needed Getty, and for that reason, we couldn’t touch him yet. It only meant Thoms would have to be the scapegoat in the meantime, but I wouldn’t take the satisfaction of killing him away from Ben. He needed to know he’d put Thoms down for good.

The smell of fresh coffee filled the air, a small comfort in the thick atmosphere of grief enveloping the house. Dressed, Ben came down to the kitchen, looking marginally better than lastnight. The circles under his eyes were less pronounced, and his steps were determined.

“I made breakfast.”

He grimaced. “That’s sweet, but I couldn’t eat it.”

“At least a slice of toast. You’ll need your energy up when you confront Thoms later.”

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