Page 57 of Sin and Redemption

“There’s nothing complicated about how I feel about you, Sara. I’m definitely one hundred percent, no doubt about it attracted to you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

I let out an embarrassed laugh but felt secretly pleased by his admittance. It had never crossed my mind that Maximus found me attractive.

Living in the moment seemed to work for us. I wanted to preserve the easiness of tonight.

When I returned for dinner the next day, Sara was stirring a pot with Ragú. She stiffened when I came in, and her expression burst with anxiety. I’d hoped last night and the evenings of us sitting on the sofa, watching a series or movie, would make tonight easier. But scheduled intimacy always messed with the mind.

If we both suffered through dinner in this atmosphere, we would never be relaxed for what came after. “Are you hungry?” I asked, not sitting down.

Sara peered down at her sauce. “Not really, but I won’t let you eat alone.”

I walked over to her, took the spoon out of her hand, and put it down on the cutting board, then turned off the stove.

“We can eat later.”

She swallowed, understanding what I meant.

“Lead the way,” I said, wanting her to go on her own terms. She nodded and began walking, her hand slack in mine. I wished I knew what was going on inside her head. On the other hand, it was probably better for my chances of getting it up that I didn’t.

My heart was pounding in my chest as if this were my first time. Fuck, I had been more confident before that even as a fourteen-year-old boy. We stepped into her bedroom, and I closed the door, then released Sara.

“I’ll take a shower,” she said.

I grabbed her arm. “Don’t.”

“But—” Her gaze lingered almost longing on the bathroom door. She was nervous. Fuck, so was I. Too much was at stake.

“You had yoga in the afternoon. I know you shower afterward. I doubt you’ve rolled around in dirt since then. It’ll be fine,” I said firmly. In her new quest to become as healthy as possible, she’d started doing yoga once or twice a week with Isa.

I didn’t want the taste of soap in my mouth. This would be hard enough; I didn’t need any additional factors that would make this a sterile experience.

She released a small breath, and a flicker of determination filled her eyes. She had a goal in mind, becoming a mother. She wanted to get this over with, and I wanted to salvage this marriage somehow, even if it was doomed from the start.

She began to unbutton the neckline of her dress, revealing a white lace bra. I would have preferred to undress her slowly, but I let her do what she obviously needed to do to feel at ease. She quickly slipped her dress over her head until she stood in front of me in her underwear. Sara was a gorgeous woman, and since she’d started eating more in her mission to become pregnant, she’d regained the curves she’d had before her life got ruined. I wasn’t sure how she could have ever doubted her attractiveness, but I’d seen how surprised she’d been by my admittance yesterday.

Remembering her words, I tugged my shirt over my head, then moved toward her. She tensed but didn’t move away. “Can we turn off the lights?” she asked. The note of pleading in her tone broke through my determination. “Sure.”

I flipped the switch and bathed us in darkness. Only the hallway light coming through the crack of the door filtered in. I could just make out her outline as she headed for the bed and lay down. The rustling of the sheets was the only sound in the room. I wondered if Sara even held her breath. I sank down beside her. “You have to tell me if you don’t want something and also if you enjoy my touch.”

“Okay.”

Then silence.

I took a deep breath. I had a plan, and it had to work.

I lay down beside her, propped up on my side. I liked passionate sex, but Sara and I both needed to take it slow tonight. I touched her shoulder.

“Maximus—”

I paused, my fingers resting on the silky skin of her upper arm.

“I’m scared.”

“I told you I want to make this good for you. I know I hurt you the last times, but today, I’ll do everything I can to make sure it won’t hurt, and if it does, that it’ll be good soon after.”

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