Page 46 of Sin and Redemption

“Is that how you’ve handled your kidnapping?”

“I don’t see my capturers on a daily basis.”

“But now that there’s peace and that Amo and Greta are married, you will see them more often.”

“I know,” she said tightly. “I let the whole thing bother me for too long, allowed it to darken my days and nights. That’s over. I’m giving fate the finger and taking life into my hands.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m doing by deciding to have a child. Sex isn’t important to me.”

“It is, just not in a good way,” she contradicted.

I spent half the night thinking about Isa’s words. I had never asked Maximus what he wanted. Maybe because I was terrified that he didn’t want children. I wasn’t sure I could ever be happy again without filling the void the pregnancy loss left in my chest.

Maximus was in the kitchen, leaning against the table, his coffee and his cell phone in his hands.

He looked up when I entered and gave me a tense smile before he returned his attention to the screen. Even on good days, we hardly talked during our morning coffee, and today was far from good.

I poured myself a coffee—Maximus always cooked enough for the two of us—and moved toward the table. Maximus made room so I could sit down, but instead, I leaned against the table beside him—something I’d never done. I would have preferred to sit down, but I had a feeling Maximus didn’t feel like sitting down. I took a sip from my coffee. The scent of the coffee mingled with Maximus’s crisp aftershave.

“What are your plans for the day?” I asked, cringing at how forced it sounded.

Maximus put his phone in his pocket and focused on me. “I go to work,” he said, obviously taken aback by my interest.

I nodded. “I’m going to my parents’ house to help Mom paint one of Inessa’s walls mauve.”

“I know. You mentioned that she thinks her room was too childish.”

I blinked. Sometimes I chatted about whatever crossed my mind during our brief evening conversation or when we were in a car together, but I’d never taken into consideration that Maximus was actually listening. I gave him a sheepish smile.

“You thought I didn’t listen to you.” There wasn’t accusation in his voice, only resignation.

“Because you rarely say anything in return,” I said in a feeble attempt to defend myself.

“I’m not someone who talks a lot, especially not with people I don’t know well.”

Ouch. I nodded. “If you don’t tell me anything, I won’t get to know you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You sure you want to know about my days?”

Dad never talked about work during meals, but I was sure he shared his daily work life with Mom. Maybe not in every gruesome detail, but definitely the important things. “Yes.”

Maximus put his coffee mug down on the table. “Today, I’m only dealing with standard debtors. One of them has been in hiding for weeks, but I have a lead on him.”

“Be careful,” I said.

Maximus straightened with a sardonic smile. “I’ll make sure I won’t die before I get you pregnant.”

I flushed. “Just be careful. Always.” I swallowed. “I’m really sorry if I offended you with my request.”

Maximus put a hand on my shoulder. The simple touch was more intimacy than we’d shared in a while. His warmth seeped through my clothes, and it felt surprisingly natural. “You won’t ever have to apologize to me, Sara.”

The two days until my ovulation flew by in a blink. On the morning of my ovulation, I couldn’t eat a single bite. The line on the ovulation test still hadn’t reached the absolute peak color, but my period had been very light and short last time, so maybe my body didn’t produce the necessary amount of hormones for these tests. When Maximus sat down across from me and looked at my face, he asked, “Tonight?”

He made it sound like we were waiting for our execution.

I nodded, clutching my coffee cup in a death grip. The protein bar still lay untouched beside my hands. I’d decided to eat more protein, and since I didn’t eat much, protein bars seemed like a good solution.

“I’ll try to be home early.”

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