Page 44 of Sin and Redemption

She let out a sigh but didn’t contradict me. “If you really want to help me heal, help me become a mother. I want nothing more than a baby.”

I was completely taken aback by her request. Since we’d lost our unborn child and could barely be considered husband and wife, I’d put any thought of us becoming a family out of my mind. My life had centered around brutal revenge.

“You want a baby from me?”

“You’re my husband.”

Ahh, yes. She wanted a baby from her husband, not really me. Because I wasn’t the man she wanted at her side, just the man she had to tolerate.

I worried about what it would do to Sara if we lost another child. What if she had another miscarriage? And that was only the tip of the iceberg of my worries. “Sara, what we have can hardly be considered a marriage. We don’t talk, and we rarely see each other. You avoid me as much as you can. Do you really think this is an environment for a child?” Not to mention that we didn’t even share a bed. Fuck, did she realize I might have to touch her if she wanted a baby?

“We married because I was pregnant. We didn’t have any kind of relationship back then either. Nothing changed.”

“Because we didn’t try to change it,” I gritted out. I had tried in the beginning but eventually gave up. It wasn’t my place to push Sara, even if our broken marriage frustrated me.

Tears glistened in her eyes. “All I want is a baby. Will you help me?”

How could I say no?

“If that’s what you really want, then I’ll help you in whatever way you need.”

She swallowed and released a small breath, then tugged a hair behind her ear and gave me a nervous look. “I ovulate in two days.”

It took me a moment to understand what she meant. Wow, she really waited until the last moment to bridge the subject. “How do you want to do it?” I asked matter-of-factly. I tried to keep my emotions out of it.

It was an absurd question. But I couldn’t imagine Sara wanting to conceive in the natural way. Fuck, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try. For our marriage, a sterile in vitro fertilization or whatever it was called would be best.

She swallowed. “I’m doing ovulation tests so when my hormone level spikes, it would be necessary for us to be intimate. Maybe one time will work like last time.” She fell silent.

Like last time. I didn’t want any of our future sexual encounters to be anything like that nightmare. I wanted to make up for the shit show she’d suffered through her first time. But for her, sex with me was a necessary evil she’d endure to get what she wanted: a baby.

I couldn’t even blame her. Why would she want to be intimate with me for any other reason? I hadn’t dared imagine being with Sara like that again and had stopped my mind every time it had wandered there when I’d seen her in pretty clothes.

“You really want to try the natural way?” I asked tightly. I hadn’t even seen her naked or in underwear since our capture. Having sex was quite a leap for us.

Her cheeks reddened, and she looked away. I hated it when she avoided my eyes. “If you can do it…”

I wasn’t sure what she meant by it. “If that’s what you want.” I didn’t think it was a good idea. What if it ripped open old wounds that hadn’t even fully healed yet? Sara had already lost so much weight. I worried what this would do to her.

She gave a terse nod. “It is.”

“Then we’ll do it.”

“I have another request. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but if things go as planned, it might only be for a very short time.”

I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

“Can you please not be with any other women as long as we have to be intimate?”

I clenched my jaw and turned sideways, glaring at nothing in particular.

“I know it’s a lot to ask—”

“Dammit, Sara,” I muttered, turning back around to her. I couldn’t fucking believe her. “That’s what you think of me? Yes? That I’ve been fucking other girls all this time?”

She blinked up at me and swallowed hard. “We weren’t intimate…and I know you and Amo used to be wild.”

I nodded grimly. “Used to be.” I raised my finger with our wedding ring. “Before I put this on. Maybe our marriage is hardly that. Maybe it’s mostly for show, but my parents taught me to honor marriage so that’s what I’m doing.”

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