Page 28 of Sin and Redemption

I glanced at the intricate line of tiny buttons following her spine. “Sure.” I stepped up behind her, and for a moment, I wondered how this night would have played out under different circumstances.

Sara tilted her head up and sideways so our eyes met, then she flushed and quickly looked away. I reached for the first button, making sure I touched my wife as little as possible. When I reached the halfway point, Sara stepped forward and gave me a tight smile. “It’s fine. I can take it from here.”

I backed out of the room. “Sleep well. If you need anything, I’m next door. I’m a light sleeper.”

I had almost closed the door when she said, “I have another scan tomorrow morning. Do you want to come?”

“Yes,” I said, allowing myself another look at her in her dress. She was beautiful, even looking exhausted and a little sad.

She nodded but didn’t look at me. I closed the door, then walked into the kitchen. I needed a drink. I’d had very little during the festivities, but now I needed liquor to numb myself. I awkwardly pulled my jacket off. My shirt stuck to my back. I knew it wasn’t just with sweat. One of the scars had popped open when I’d kicked ass today. It was why I hadn’t taken my jacket off despite how hot I’d felt.

“You’re bleeding.”

Sara’s voice made me turn around. She stood in the doorway, still in her dress.

“Do you need help?”

I shook my head. To be honest, I probably did, but I didn’t want to burden Sara with the task of having to help me take my shirt off. “It’s fine. Nothing I haven’t handled before.”

“What happened?” she asked quietly as she poured herself a glass of water.

I considered lying, but I wanted her to know that I was trying to make up for the past in every way possible. “I burned my back when I blew up a laboratory of the Bratva with Jabba’s brother inside.”

She blanched. “Oh.” I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I’d expected but definitely not that. She smiled tightly. “If you’re sure you don’t need my help, I’m going to sleep.”

“Go,” I said with a tight smile of my own.

I downed a glass of bourbon before I headed to the second bathroom. After almost fifteen minutes and lots of cursing, I was finally out of my shirt. Thirty minutes later, I went to the guest bedroom freshly showered and with new burn dressings on my back, and sank down on the bed. It was smaller than the one in the primary bedroom. Considering my size, my feet would probably dangle over the edge half the night. I hadn’t wanted to buy new furniture and had forgotten that I wouldn’t get to enjoy the big bed in the primary bedroom.

Everything about today felt surreal. This nonexistent wedding night was a fitting ending to it. I hadn’t expected there to be any kind of intimacy. Fuck, just the idea of it raised sweat on my forehead. The memories of Sara’s crying, motionless body under mine still haunted my nights.

I’d never been a good sleeper, but now my nights were miserable. Lying in bed at night wasn’t the welcome relaxation of the past. Sleep was now the door to my memories.

I stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and wondering what Sara was doing now.

I fell asleep after tossing and turning for an hour and listening to every little sound from Sara.

A scream woke me. I jumped out of bed and rushed out of my room and into the primary bedroom. Turning the lights on, I rushed toward the bed. Sara sat up, face ashen. Her brown hair fell in wild strands into her face. I must have woken her from a nightmare. Her eyes were on me, but the terror remained on her face. It hit me that I had probably been the center of her nightmare, and here I was, thinking I could console her. I was probably the last person Sara wanted near her right now.

She blinked and rubbed her face. “I had a bad dream. Sorry I woke you.”

I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what to say. I took a step back. “Do you need anything?”

“Just keep the lights on. I’ll be fine.”

I nodded, then turned and left the room. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the bourbon bottle I’d left on the table. I took a swish, then grimaced. I only drank when I went out partying, definitely not in the middle of the night. This was as far from a party as it could be. A pity party at best. I pushed the bottle away. Alcohol wouldn’t make anything better.

There was no way I could fall asleep again after this. It was only three in the morning, and I couldn’t leave Sara alone, so I was stuck in this place.

I went to the gym room I’d installed in the former office and hit the treadmill, sprinting at high speed for almost an hour until I was drenched in sweat and feeling marginally better—except for the insistent burn on my back.

I tossed my soaked shirt away and sat on the bench, taking a couple of swigs from my water bottle.

The sound of retching followed by flushing reminded me of my new living situation. I rose from the bench and considered going to see if Sara needed anything, but then her expression from last night crossed my mind, and I sat back down. I was the last person she wanted by her side.

It was strange to enter the kitchen where Maximus sat at the table. He had a cup of coffee in front of him, nothing else.

“Morning,” I said to break up the uncomfortable silence. “Is there breakfast?”

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