Page 31 of Part & Parcel

Nick’s hands tightened on Kelly’s back. He was nodding against Kelly’s cheek.

Kelly held him for a few long moments, then pulled away and offered Nick a gentle smile. He let Nick move past him toward the bathroom, but instead of going back downstairs he perched on the side of the bed, waiting for Nick to come back out. When Nick did, he seemed surprised to see Kelly still there. Kelly grinned mischievously.

“What?” Nick asked guardedly.

Kelly held up the bottle of lube he’d found. “Talk first or fuck first?”

Nick huffed a laugh and shook his head as he limped closer. Kelly was glad to see that signature O’Flaherty smirk back on Nick’s face. It had been sorely missed since Sidewinder’s last deployment. He stood and pulled Nick closer, turning them until Nick’s back was to the bed, and then he gave him a gentle shove. Nick sat with a grunt. Kelly took his cane and rested it against the table, then settled beside him, leaning their shoulders together.

“Talk first,” Nick finally answered, his voice a rumble that slid down Kelly’s spine. Nick held his hand out, resting it on his knee, and Kelly took the invitation and clasped their fingers together.

“I’m sorry I treated you like I did,” Kelly offered.

Nick was already shaking his head before Kelly could finish. “We all fall back on our training. And it’s your nature to take care of the people you love.”

“It’s yours too, you know.”

Nick pressed his lips together tight.

“That’s all you were doing. You got to stop punishing yourself.”

“Yeah.” Nick didn’t sound too confident, though.

“You know I love you, right? You knew the whole time. Right?”

“Of course I did,” Nick mumbled, looking pained.

“And you know I would never, ever want you to feel guilty for anything you’ve done, even if it was something that made me angry.”

Nick closed his eyes closed and turned his head away.

“Nicko, you punish yourself enough. You’ve got the fucking market cornered on Catholic guilt. You can be confident, for the rest of our lives, that I’ll never want to punish you.”

Nick forced himself to meet Kelly’s eyes again, a blush creeping across his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I was being stupid, I know. I just can’t quite get a handle on myself yet. I don’t . . . I don’t feel like I’m me.”

Kelly squeezed his hand. “I know. But look, I get why you thought it. I probably would have too. Your mind is not that fucked up, understand? You were right.”

Nick nodded jerkily.

“And I’m here, okay? I’m here to help you find that handle on yourself again. I’m here until you feel likeyouagain and then some.”

Nick’s grip on Kelly’s fingers tightened. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“I didn’t call you yesterday morning because of the bombing,” Kelly blurted.

Nick was silent, his entire body still.

“I called you because I missed you and I was going to ask you to either let me come to Boston, or for you to come here. I didn’t even know there had been an attack when I called.”

Nick glanced around the room uncomfortably, then back at Kelly. “I know, Kels. You told me all this yesterday.”

“Yeah, but did you hear me?” Kelly asked as he shifted to face Nick, his fingers trailing down Nick’s arm. “At the airport you said you were afraid I’d tell you to go to Baltimore with Ty.”

Nick paled, nodding jerkily.

Kelly sighed. “How can you be so fucking stupid when you’re like the smartest person I’ve ever known? Aside from maybe Johns, which is why I called him for advice when I needed it.”

Nick ran his fingers across Kelly’s cheekbone, his eyes tracing Kelly’s face. “Advice about what?”

---