Page 86 of Shadow Dance

I didn’t realize I was still crying. Jaime was the one person I thought I could trust, but he’s been lying to me too. The world as I know it has shifted on its axis. Actually, forget him—how can I ever trustmyselfafter this?

Pushing away from the tree, I return to the car. Jaime opens my door, waiting until I’m safely inside before shutting it. I stare at him as he walks around to his side, wondering why on earth he revealed himself to me today. Yeah, I know he said he couldn’t lie to me anymore, but telling me the truth will have consequences, won’t it?

We leave the woods. It’s cloudy now, and the day feels overcast and dull. The soft, romantic glow we were tumbling around in has given way to a bleak chill. “When does your assignment end?” I ask.

“I can’t get into that,” he says like a damn robot, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I guess I don’t understand why you’re helping me leave, then,” I say. “Was getting me out part of your assignment or something?”

“No. I was assigned the lead in taking down another crime family, and that happened to lead me to Cal and the De Leons. You were just …”

“Collateral damage,” I mumble, breaking my gaze. “A mistake.”

“Not a mistake.”

“I knew this couldn’t last,” I say. “I told myself that over and over. But I still fell for you, Jaime. And you are Jaime to me. Because when this is all over, the guy I know will be gone and you’ll be Cruz, and Idon’t know Cruz. I don’t know what he really thinks about me or about any of this. I don’t know how far he’ll go to protect himself and his case.”

“You do know me,” he insists, but the words sound hollow to my ears. “What I feel for you is real.”

“And what do you feel for me?” I wish I could take it back as soon as I ask. I don’t want to know. Worse, I don’t want to watch him try and figure out what to tell me. “You know what, don’t answer that.”

“Maeve.”

I shake my head, watching the trees blur past. “No.”

I close my eyes, wishing away the uncertainty gnawing at my insides. I don’t know what to think, what to feel. I meant it when I said I loved him, but apparently, I love someone who doesn’t even exist.

Jaime goesstraight to the guest house when we get home, to plot and plan I guess, and it’s a good thing because my “fiancé” pulls up about two minutes later. He and the boys saunter in, arguing about who knows what. They’re always arguing.God, I’m tired.

“Hey, baby,” Callum says, kissing me when he finds me in the bedroom. He glances at my leotard and tights, crumpled on the floor where I left them earlier. “How’d dance class go?”

“Great,” I say, tightening my bathrobe. I was just about to take a shower.

“Great,” he echoes, disappearing into the walk-in closet. Seconds later he emerges with my weekender, the bag he favors when it comes to drug storage. He doesn’t even try to hide it anymore.

After my shower, I hide in the bedroom for as long as I can. When it becomes apparent by the cheers and heckling that they’re watching a game on TV, I slip into the kitchen for a bite to eat. I’m staring out the kitchen window, picking at the pizza Callum must’ve grabbed on the way home, when the fridge door opens behind me. I glance back, my insides turning to ice when I see that it’s Jaime.

I sag against the counter, watching him open a bottle of beer. His gaze meets mine like he knows I can’t take my eyes off him, and then he joinsthe others in the living room. Suddenly, I’m terrified for him. One slip-up and he’d be murdered. Literally and brutally.

Reaching into the liquor cabinet, I pull down a bottle of vodka and pour myself a healthy shot. Tossing it back, I remind myself that Jaime has been doing this for years.

Cruz. Jaime.He’ll always be Jaime. It’s the only way I can get through this.

Mac yellsthat’s bullshit!from the living room, bitching about a play. There’s a chorus of commentary, and the smell of weed fills the house.

I glance at the glowing red dot up in the corner, recording me as I fall apart in the kitchen. How did I not suspect? He showed me how he messed with the camera feeds to cover our tracks from Callum. He told me he was tracking the guys, even showing me the special app he used. Maybe I’m so used to being around people who live double lives that it didn’t seem strange.

Maybe I just didn’t want to know.

I smoke a bowl in the bedroom, sip on another shot of vodka, but it’s impossible to outrun the shitty reality of what’s happening. It won’t leave me alone, clawing at me from the inside out.

Eat, drink, and be merry, I suppose, for tomorrow I might die.

The munchies kick in around eleven. I sneak back into the kitchen for an ice cream sandwich, taking a huge bite the second I get the wrapper off. Jaime walks in, pausing when he sees me. I can’t begin to imagine what I look like.

“We gotta stop running into each other like this,” I slur. Yeah, I think I’ve had enough vodka for the night.

His eyes dart toward the living room, where the sounds of video games have replaced the game. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

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