Page 97 of Bae

Her head lifted off my skin, dark eyes imploring mine. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, so I saw right in. “Of course. You didn’t get the chance to meet your daughter.”

I made a sound, pacing away. “No.” I leaned forward, placing both hands on the mantle and leaning forward. I didn’t want to look at her when I said this. I stared at the flames instead.

I spoke three words. Three words that were notI love you. Three words that had stayed tucked inside me as the ultimate plague. “I was relieved.”

“Relieved about what?” she puzzled. Fuck, the innocence in her voice; it was almost too much.

Maybe that’s why I’d been so afraid to admit this to her. She was so innocent, so unconditional… This was why I was so afraid she wouldn’t understand.

Rimmel would never feel like this. I didn’t think she was even able.

The vile thoughts raced through my head and propelled me around. I jerked, staring at her from across the room. “Relieved it was Evie that died and not you.”

Rimmel sucked in a breath.

I pushed on, afraid if I didn’t spill it all right now, I’d never do it.

“I still remember,” I whispered. “The way you looked that morning, stepping out into the bathroom with blood smeared between your legs. It wasn’t even that much, but to me, it seemed like buckets.”

As I spoke, Rimmel tucked her knees against her chest, locking them close with her arms. Wide, brown eyes peered at me from over them.

“You doubled over. The way you clenched your body like the pain was ripping you in half. You felt so small in my arms when I ran through the house with you, and then the empty way you stared off at the hospital. You didn’t cry at first. You didn’t say anything at all. Tears ran down your face, but it’s like you didn’t even notice.”

“Romeo,” she whispered, despair in her voice.

“The way the doctors hovered around you. The pain on your face from whatever was happening inside you… It scared me. It fucking tore me to the bones. All I could think was there could be complications, that whatever took Evie might take you, too.”

Rimmel unfolded herself off the bed and hopped down. I was lost in the memory of that day. I didn’t notice her approach until her arms wound around me and the warmth of her cheek hit my chest.

“Keep talking,” she whispered.

“I prayed. Outside your room that day while you were being examined, I prayed to God. I asked him—no, I begged him not to take you. I actually told him if he had to take someone, to take our daughter… anyone but you. Then the doctor came out. He shook his head at me, and I nearly crumbled. I grabbed him by the front of his scrubs you know. I slammed him up against the wall.”

I felt her shock at the confession. She’d had no idea of my idiotic behavior. A nurse ran down the hall, called for security, but the doctor waved her away.

“‘My wife,’ I’d growled, almost like I dared him to tell me you were gone. ‘Your wife will be fine, but your daughter is gone.’ That’s what he told me.”

I hugged him then. I went from one extreme to the other. I hugged a man I’d never met and just threatened with bodily harm, right there in front of everyone. “You know what I said to him?”

“What?” Rimmel asked.

“I said, ‘Thank God it wasn’t Rim.’”

“That doesn’t make you a bad man.” Rimmel began.

I made a sound. “I walked into that room and looked at you. My whole world came back together… Then I realized your entire world had just fallen apart.”

I tucked my arms around her, holding her against me.

“It sank in what I’d done, that’d I’d literally been praying, bartering for your life over my own daughter’s. What the fuck kind of father does that make me? What kind of man? You cried so much that night it killed me.”

“You loved our daughter,” Rimmel said, absolute. “I know you did.”

“I did. I loved her so much, but I love you more. I will always love you more than anyone, Rimmel, even any child we create.”

“It’s a different kind of love, Romeo.” She took my hand and led me toward the bed. “The love you have for me is a different kind of love than the kind you have for a child.”

“I chose you.” I rubbed a hand over my face.

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