Page 19 of Puck Me at Midnight

I turn to walk out of the room. I’m not sure why Spike isn’t listening to me, but going in circles isn’t going to help anyone. I’m stopped in my tracks when a small voice cuts through the tension, freezing us both in place.

“Emma?”

I turn to see Sam standing in the hallway, his wide eyes glistening with tears. My heart shatters.

“Are you going to leave us? Like Mom and Dad did?” he asks, his voice trembling.

“Oh, Sam,” I say, rushing over to him. I drop to my knees and pull him into my arms. “No, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I will always be here for you and Charlie.”

He clings to me, his small body shaking with sobs. “Promise?”

“I promise,” I whisper, holding him tight. “I’m not leaving. Ever.”

Over Sam’s shoulder, I glance at Spike, who looks stricken, his anger replaced by guilt. He steps forward, reaching out as if to comfort Sam, but then stops, his hand dropping to his side. I shake my head, silently telling him to stay back.

When Sam finally calms down, I carry him back to bed, sitting with him until his breathing evens out. I stroke his hair, whispering reassurances until I’m sure he’s asleep. Only then do I return to the kitchen, where Spike is still standing, his hands braced on the counter.

“Emma, I…” he starts, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

“You don’t get to accuse me of abandoning them,” I say, my voice firm. “We can talk about this tomorrow when you’ve calmed down, and I don’t want to scream at you for hurting that little boy’s heart.”

Chapter Fifteen

Spike

I stand in the kitchen, my hands hanging at my sides, feeling like a damn idiot. I’ve just unloaded all my fears onto Emma, and the second I saw that look on her face—hurt, confused, and so damn patient with me—I knew I’d fucked up.

Sam’s gone back to his room, but I can still hear the echo of his words in my head. Is Emma leaving us? How could I have let it get that far?

I’ve been so scared of losing her that I pushed her away. All because I let my own fears spiral out of control.

I take a deep breath, walking toward her slowly, every step heavy with regret. “Emma,” I say softly, my voice already thick with the apology I should’ve given the second I raised my voice.

She looks at me, her eyes soft but still guarded. “Tomorrow, Spike.” Her voice is steady, but I can hear the crack beneath it. I’ve hurt her.

“Please listen to me. We can’t go to bed angry at each other,” I say, the words feeling too small for the weight of the guilt I feel. “I should’ve trusted you, Em.” I swallow hard, feeling the lump in my throat. “I let my fear get the best of me. I’m terrified of losing you. And it scared the hell out of me when I thought you were thinking about leaving.”

She takes a step toward me, her expression softening just slightly. “I understand that you’re scared, Spike,” she saysquietly. “But you can’t just assume I’m going to walk away. You have to trust me. Trust that I’m here with you. Spike, I’m not leaving.”

I nod, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “I do trust you, but the thought of losing you just hit me like a freight train. So many thoughts flashed through my mind at once, and I just reacted. I don’t know, I panicked.”

But the more I talk about it, the more I realize there’s something deeper I haven’t fully acknowledged. Something I’ve buried for too long.

I take a breath, a heavier one this time. “It’s not just you, Em. It’s everything. I never really let myself grieve for Tyler and Kara. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the time or the luxury of dealing with it. I had to step up for the boys. I had to be their dad. I didn’t think about how hard that was going to be, how much it would hurt. And now, with you, I’m scared that I’m going to lose it all. I don’t think I can do it without you. I don’t think I could keep it all together if you were gone.”

The silence between us is heavy. Emma’s eyes search mine, and I can see that she understands. She knows the burden I’ve been carrying, even if I’ve never really let it show.

She steps closer, her voice soft but firm. “You’re not going to lose me, Spike. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to do this alone.”

But I can’t help the knot that tightens in my chest. “I just don’t know how I could be everything they need without you, Em. I didn’t even know how much I needed you until…” My voice falters, but I push through. “Until I thought I was about to lose you.”

She reaches up, her hand resting gently on my arm. Her touch is steady, grounding me. “You don’t have to be everything for them. You don’t have to be perfect. We’re in this together. You’ve already done more than you know. You stepped up whenit mattered. And I’m not going anywhere. We’ll take care of them together. You’re not alone in this.”

I close my eyes, letting her words wash over me. There’s so much weight, so much grief, that I’ve been carrying for so long. And yet, when I’m with her—when she says things like that—I feel like maybe, just maybe, I could let it go. Let myself feel. Let myself trust.

“I’m so sorry, Em,” I say, my voice raw. “I should’ve been honest with you. I should’ve trusted you. I was so scared of losing you and the boys, but I pushed you away instead of opening up to you.”

She smiles, soft and understanding, though her own eyes are glistening now. “You’re scared, Spike. I get that. But you have to trust me. We’re building something good here. We can’t do that if we don’t talk about it.”

---