Page 63 of Saving Destiny

Kodi shrugs, his position mimicking Avery’s from earlier. I don’t think his hand is actually supporting his head, but he makes it look like it is. My memory fills in the colors and details that I can’t see anymore.

“Don’t blame yourself, little minx. I was just as surprised as you were when my heart beat against your hand. I think we both have to concentrate, or maybe it doesn’t matter because I can only maintain it for a short time anyway. Maybe it had nothing to do with our thoughts. Maybe I need to exercise the ability, like practicing a skill or building a muscle. A part of my brain has to stay focused on being solid. Thankfully, the breathing and heartbeat are involuntary or it would be too much to keep in my head.”

That’s a lot ofmaybeson his part, but the curious cat in me has other questions. “How is your ability to feel? Like, do you think your sense of touch is the same as when you were alive, or does it feel muted? What about your sense of smell? Taste?”

“I doubt I’ll be able to eat, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to smell. My sense of touch might actually be better than when I was alive. Imagine not experiencing anyone’s touch for years and then suddenly being touched. When we finally figure this out and I can maintain my solidity enough to have sex, I know I won’t last longer than a couple minutes.”

His last words make me chuckle, but it’s weak because my brain focuses on his comments about touch. “I don’t have to imagine that, you know. I went years without being touched. Even when Mother Mary punished me, she didn’t touch me. My sense of touch might be heightened, too. I felt quite overwhelmed when Avery touched me, especially because I knew you were watching. I thought I was going to explode.”

“You did explode – quite beautifully, I might add,” Kodi teases, and my cheeks heat again. His expression turns serious almost immediately, though. “Thanks again for letting me watch. I felt like a dirty perv, but I really wanted to experience the moment with you.”

My hands twitch with the urge to reach out to him. Now that I’ve touched and kissed him, I’m certain I’ll expend a lot of effort fighting the impulse. “I wanted you here, and I’m glad Avery didn’t mind. It was perfect, even if you are a dirty voyeur.” My tone is teasing because I kind of love this about him.

“I admit it,” Kodi groans with a playful smile before bouncing into a kneeling position. The movement is strange because the bed and the blankets don’t shift with him. “Get naked. I want to look for the vampire’s mate mark.”

“What?”

“Hurry up, princess, we don’t have all day. You need to be Miss Librarian soon.” He smirks, but I don’t move. “You know I saw you naked last night, and you know it wasn’t the first time. You can’t be modest when you have four partners.”

“Fudge sticks,” I mutter while he laughs at me. I still can’t shed the orphanage’s harsh rules about swearing. “I can be as modest as I want no matter how many partners I have,” I argue.

“Yes, yes, women’s rights and all that. Quit making sense and strip, woman.” Kodi scowls, but it’s clear that he’s just teasing me. His usually colorless eyes seem slate blue rather than gray and empty, and I swear they twinkle. His ghostly form shouldn’t allow either, though, so I figure I’m imagining it. If he spends more time in his corporeal form, will he display more corporeal traits? It’s more likely to be wishful thinking that creates the illusion.

“Tick, tock, princess.”

I resign myself to his scrutiny and flip the blankets off me, purposefully throwing them in his direction. They float through him before settling back to the bed. The only indication it happened is the ghost’s dramatic shudder.

“That was rude,” he comments, but the words sound absent because the heat in his gaze is directed toward my nakedness.

My mind automatically lists my physical flaws, expecting him to see them as clearly as I do. It’s more than my injuries. My stomach isn’t flat, I don’t shave because it’s too difficult, and my large breasts just flop to the side in this position.

Kodi’s expression suggests that he finds nothing wrong with me, especially when he flickers into solidity again. Appreciation and desire lights his gaze as he brushes a warm, solid hand over the curve of my hip. My skin shivers in the wake of his touch.

“I thought the clock was ticking, and you said you’d look for a mate mark.” My voice is husky as my nipples harden. At the same time, I notice the light is growing in the room. The sun shining through the false windows means I need to get up soon. I might be able to handle him looking at me while I’m just lying here. Getting up requires that I jiggle and bounce as I manage my braces, though. I’m not ready for that, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Kodi replies in a raspy tone. His eyes travel over every exposed inch of my skin and heat follows. “I don’t see one. Roll over.”

“Roll over? I’m not a dog.”

“Sorry, princess. Will you please turn over, so I can see the rest of you?”

I roll my eyes and do as he says. I might as well show him everything, but he could also move to my other side. It’s not as if I can run away from him. Honestly, I don’t want to. My newfound boldness appeals to me, even if it comes with a side of snark.

Kodi says nothing for so long that I peek back at him. His eyes are glued to my jagged scars and the twinkle in his eyes is gone. He’s fully ghost again. For a minute, I’d forgotten about my scars.

“That’s not what you’re supposed to be looking at,” I mutter irritably.

“I ….” Whatever he meant to say doesn’t escape. He looks tortured, and the memory returns to me as if reflected in his eyes. He restrained me so his father could carve into my flesh, searching for wings that he wouldn’t find in my human form. My blood dripped into a waiting vessel because it was too precious to waste. Kodi’s had been forced to watch, and his fingernails had gouged holes into his palms. His blood had dripped onto the floor, and no one noticed but me.

“I’m sorry, Zo.” His whisper is all I hear before he disappears.

I’m accustomed to him floating away, but his form vanishes this time. Fear causes every muscle in my body to tense; I’m terrified that he’s somehow gone. I force air into my lungs while I search for him through the bond we share.

He’s still here, and I sob with relief. His presence echoes from a short distance away – his room, I think. Emotional pain simmers along our connection, and I mourn the playfulness we’d shared. I want to go to him, but I need to get ready to open the library, and I sense that he needs a moment to recover.

At times like this, I think about returning to the carefree lack of responsibility my life at the orphanage provided. If I did, though, I wouldn’t get to experience the joyful moments or see the amazing wonders of the library. With joy comes pain, and nothing lasts forever.

Chapter 33

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