Page 62 of Saving Destiny

“Zo?” Kodi’s voice is deeper than usual, and I’m instantly distracted.

Before I can roll over, the vampire is gone, along with his clothes. I rarely see him use his vampire speed, but he must really want Kodi and me to be alone … or he felt the need to flee. I choose the first option because I’m supposed to think positive thoughts.

“Kodi?” I speak his name with hesitation as I turn to face his still solid form. I’m afraid to touch him, afraid he’ll turn into nothing but static and mist. My heart beats faster as I carefully trace the angle of his jaw. It’s smooth and hairless, but I don’t know if that’s because he died young.

“I’m actuallyhere, aren’t I?” Kodi’s question is as cautious as my touch. His eyes scan my face as if he doesn’t look at it every single day. Then, he lifts his hands and rotates his palms back and forth. His fingers are callused and freckles dot his knuckles and forearms. “Am I a ginger?”

I snort at the disappointment I hear in his tone. “You’re a hot ginger. You have a punk vibe that makes me think tattoos and piercings.”

“A tattoo like the vampire’s mate mark or just a tattoo?” Kodi teases and glances over my body. The other pillow still bears the indentation from Avery’s head. “Did he leave?”

“He wanted us to have time together.” I don’t say what’s obvious – before he turns back into a ghost … while he’s still solid .... I try not to think about it and hope Kodi does the same.

“How considerate. I like him, you know. I actually like all of them, but Avery is the easiest to like. He’s just as sweet as you are, and I’m glad he was your first.” As Kodi speaks, he tentatively reaches for me. His body trembles like his breath as he smooths his palm down my hair to the beginning of my braid. His shaking indicates that he’s just as scared as I am, but we’re both making an effort at bravery and positivity. This is the longest he’s been corporeal, and I can’t help but wonder why.

“I left for a minute last night before coming back. As I watched both of you sleeping, I thought about how grateful and lucky I am to still be here.” His tone is soft as he answers the question I didn’t ask.

My fingers continue to explore the angles of his face – his forehead, angular jaw, and smooth, wavy hair. It’s longer on the top and shaved underneath. The longer hair is more blonde than red, but the shaved part is more red than blonde. For some reason, I find this as fascinating as the slight bump on his nose. Was it broken at some point, or is it natural?

“I’m grateful, too,” I respond in an equally soft tone.

Kodi’s palm moves from my hair to my face, his path copying mine as he traces my features before sliding down the curve of my neck. Goosebumps follow in the wake of his touch as I memorize every detail of this beautiful moment. The temperature of his skin matches mine, his breath is shaky, and his eyes are more beautiful than I remember. They’re more green than blue, and I wonder if they’re reflecting the forest-green of the quilt. Gilly will want me to get out of bed soon, but I can’t leave now. I’ve waited so long to touch him.

“I’m struggling to live in the moment,” I confess. “You know how bad my curiosity is; I want to ask questions.”

He smiles, and I note a thin scar on his top lip that’s invisible when he’s in ghost form. “I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid I’ll fade away. I know it’s uncomfortable for you to touch me when I’m a ghost.” He pauses long enough to inhale. “Can I kiss you?”

I nod enthusiastically. “Kiss me. It’s okay if ….” I don’t have time to finish the sentence before he follows my command.

I’ve waited for so long to feel my best friend’s lips on mine. It’s been less than a decade, but it feels like a lifetime. I had a girlish crush on him as a child, too. I’d considered him my knight in shining armor, and he’d lived up to the image.

His lips are a little dry and he’s more tentative than Avery was, but it’s still amazing. I’m kissing Kodi, the man I’ve loved for so many years. He’s stayed beside me through everything, which makes this a million times better because I trust and know him with every fiber of my being. My heart leaps into my throat, and my grip on his shoulders shakes with desire, gratitude, and happiness.

Kodi’s kiss starts slowly and carefully, but I open my mouth and swipe my tongue across his bottom lip as encouragement. The sound of his groan makes my body spark with pleasure. When our tongues tangle together, I realize he doesn’t taste of anything. Although it’s strange, maybe he can’t smell my morning breath, either. His grip on my shoulder shifts to my hip and he brings me closer to him as our kisses grow more passionate. I curse the blankets between us, but I don’t want to stop kissing him.

Even through the barrier of linens, I feel his chest heave with heavy breaths and the stiffness of his erection press against my abdomen. My knowledge-seeking mind wants to focus on the science of it, but I firmly push the questions away. If the library can sprout magical rooms that defy physics or a human can shift into an animal, then a ghost can get a hard-on.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kodi whispers as he places a single hairsbreadth of distance between our lips. Our chests heave, and my center aches with longing.

Although Avery satisfied me mere hours ago, I’m on fire again. I want more. My palm slides over the thin cloth of his t-shirt until it encounters the thud of his racing heart. For some reason, this surprises me more than his arousal or his breath on my face. How?

His body immediately turns into static and mist while the scent of ozone assaults my nostrils. Tears sting behind my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whine. “Your heartbeat surprised me.”

Kodi doesn’t look as upset as I feel. He’s retreated a few inches, but he wears a tender, almost satisfied expression. It’s so different from his usual irritation that it shocks me into silence.

“Don’t apologize, Zo. I figured we’d have to cope with several false starts. I’m not going to risk making love to you until I’m certain I can stay hard. Maybe the campus drug store sells Viagra for ghosts?”

His question, asked with a straight face and a serious tone, makes me laugh, but a few tears escape nonetheless. He reaches toward me but pauses seconds away. I imagine him solid again, and he flickers back into existence long enough to swipe the tears away. The look of intense concentration on his face is new; he usually acts as if he doesn’t care about anything. I snap a mental picture to preserve the moment.

“It was all worth it,” he continues while I gaze at him like a love-struck teenager. “That was longer than I thought I was capable of. I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, Zo, long before I remembered what we were in life. Although I couldn’t tell what was real in this form, I know I’ve loved you since I first met you at the orphanage. From the moment I saw you, I felt the echo of an ache, a longing tenderness, here.” He points to his chest where I felt the thump of his heart.

Since I no longer have to worry about him fading, the questions tumble from my mouth. “I thought your breathing was reflexive, but your lungs exchanged air. I also didn’t think your heart would beat. Do you know why?”

“Nope. I also have no idea how I get an erection without blood in my veins, but I definitely got hard for you last night and this morning. Desire encourages the rest of me into existence. I realize it doesn’t make any sense, but maybe it’s the most powerful emotion besides love, although there’s definitely love, too. If I haven’t said it yet, I will now. I love you, Zosia Abram.”

The words are intense and he couples them with an equally intense stare. My cheeks heat, but I don’t look away. The memory of his touch lingers, and it’s almost as wonderful as his actual touch. It’s a shame we have to open today because I’m going to spend the whole of it walking around in an afterglow from his and Avery’s attentions. Hopefully, it won’t distract me too much from my duties.

“I love you too, Kodi.” I don’t use his last name. Like the brothers, it ties him to a man who has no right to exist in the same sphere as him. He will always be just Kodi to me. “And I’m also very grateful for the brief moments we get together. Next time, I’ll try to control my brain and not question everything. I think that’s what made you ghost me.” I know the term means something else in this digital age, but it’s more apt in these circumstances.

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