Page 61 of Saving Destiny

“You were talking, and then you went away, Brendan. What were you saying?”

Bren shakes his head like he’s clearing an etch-a-sketch, his hair flopping again. He must be due for a haircut because it keeps falling in his eyes, and I wonder how the library manages things like haircuts and dental appointments. The thought of Gilly brandishing a pair of scissors makes me shudder with apprehension, even though I can’t be hurt or killed.

“Fin mentioned that someone was meddling with the time lines. If we knew who was doing it, we could get more information without having to leave. The meddlers must have access to all the data in order to interfere without completely destroying every timeline.”

Garrett mimics my blank stare, and I’m relieved that he’s as clueless as I am. “Timelines?” he asks.

“There should only be one, but there are many, which means that someone is creating more. As Hawking said, ‘If time travel is possible, where are the tourists from the future?’” Bren huffs and bolts to his feet; the ball rolls away from him so quickly that it appears to fly. “I need more information which means research. I need books.” He sprints from the room, his words disappearing with him.

Garrett and I share amused but irritated looks. “Meddlers? Time travel? He can’t just say things like that and run away,” I grumble with a pout.

“Oh … he can, he did, and he will again. Get used to it, ghost. When I was thirteen, he told me I had a week left to live. Then, he disappeared into his head for four days. When he finally answered me, he told me it was a false thread – that’s his word for an unlikely future that only needs a minor adjustment to tweak it out of existence. I almost worried myself into death during that time, though. I stayed in my room the whole time because I kept imagining stupid, pointless deaths like falling down the stairs or getting brained by a loose ceiling tile.”

I almost laugh, but it’s not funny. Time travel is impossible and knowing that one’s death is imminent sounds worse than actually being dead. I already know all my hopes are dashed. If I sit and mull over Bren’s words, though, I’d be more useless than I already am.

I study the room around me for something to focus on – anything. The rack of dumbbells recalls a memory. “I remember something like this in the underground compound where I grew up,” I murmur. “Shawnessy, that was my asshole father, wanted me to be strong enough to restrain shifters without magic, but I actually enjoyed working out. He also wanted me to run on the treadmill, but I’d hated that because it was so boring. I liked lifting weights, but I had different reasons for doing it. I wanted to get strong enough to overpowerhim. I also remember thinking that Zo would like my muscles when we got older.” My emotions shift between embarrassment and sadness as the memories assault me.

Garrett’s close enough to touch me and his hand lifts to grip my shoulder, but he stops when my static prickles him. I’m missing more than Zo’s touch, I realize sadly. If I were solid, I could experience other contact, too.

“At least you retained the definition of someone who worked for it,” Garrett says gruffly with a note of companionable admiration. His approval thrills me more than I thought it would. “You should accept your death sooner rather than later so you can join me. You probably won’t be able to make yourself any bigger, but self-improvement is good for the soul.”

I don’t say that I’m uncertain whether I kept my soul. Instead, I watch him destroy his muscle fibers for a couple more minutes before I automatically hover back to Zo. She’s still cuddled next to Avery despite the huge bed, although they’re not as close as they were. Strangely, my attention focuses on their different colored braids that practically trust. The vampire’s silver hair against Zo’s golden tresses looks like a necklace that combines the two precious metals.

I lay down on Zosia’s opposite side. Avery stirs but he doesn’t need to open his eyes to confirm my identity. He simply nods at me and lays his head back down. Experimentally, longingly, my palm glides over her blanketed body. She’s lying on her side, and I trace the silhouette of her curves in the empty air above her. Her body shivers as if she can feel the touch and one hand reaches toward me, but she doesn’t wake. She does this a lot when I’m beside her and my chest warms.

I’m no longer angry that I sacrificed my life for hers, and I feel less guilt about the horrors she endured while imprisoned. I’m beginning to understand that if I hadn’t been with her during that time, she might have spent those years devoid of love or compassion. It’s also possible that she might not have developed a love of stories.

She’s told me this already, but I’m just beginning to accept it – she’d needed me whether she knew it at the time or not. Perhaps every relationship carries a measure of regret. No one is perfect, and everyone does or says things they wish they hadn’t. Perhaps those mistakes aren’t as monumental as mine, but she is fated for matters of great importance. It makes sense that everything she’s involved in would carry more weight and consequence.

I don’t know whether my presence here is random circumstance or whether someone or something decided it, but I’m grateful to be here. If I’d truly entered the afterlife after freeing her, I wouldn’t have seen the woman she’d become. I also wouldn’t have met the other men, and I wouldn’t have seen the magical library.

As I lie there and stare at the woman I love, I think I finally accept my death and the afterlife I’ve been given.

Chapter 32

Zosia

My dreams are of beauty and softness; I’m surrounded by warm, white light. It fades by degrees as I’m woken to the sounds of breathing. It seems like that shouldn’t be sufficient to wake me, but I’m unused to it. Kodi doesn’t make any noise when he shares my bed, unless he’s talking.

When I peek through my slit eyelids, I see Avery’s beautifully relaxed features. His silver eyes are open and staring at me, but I’m uncertain what he’s seeing. If he’s in front of me, though …. I glance over my shoulder while holding my breath. I’m afraid to hope. A ruddy shock of ginger hair is the first thing I see, then the tiny freckles that are only visible when I’m inches away

“Is your ghost solid?” Avery whispers. “His energy appears less fluid and more stable than usual.” The vampire struggles for an apt description. He’s propped his head on his elbow to see over my body, and the sight of his pale chest reminds me that we’re still naked. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m still under the blankets and Avery can’t see me.

“He is,” I reply in a similar whisper. I take control of my thoughts and consciously dismiss all thoughts of blame, death, or anything else that might whisk Kodi back into wispiness.

Previously, I thought me touching him helped him attain solidity. I’m not touching him this morning. Although our legs rest against each other’s, blankets separate us because he can’t slip under them. His eyes are closed and his chest rises and falls with breath that shouldn’t fill his lungs. His eyelashes flutter as if he’s dreaming, but that should also be impossible.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Avery replies.

I snap my gaze back to the vampire. He doesn’t appear upset; instead, he’s smiling. Guilt fills me though. We made love last night and I feel as if I’m pushing him from my bed. “Are you sure? Don’t feel like you have to leave.”

The vampire interrupts my words with a kiss. It’s sweet but not chaste, and my body reacts instantly. When Avery touches or kisses me, it’s worshipful. I can’t explain why I find this arousing. It feels immodest and egotistical to want this kind of attention, but maybe I feel this way because he’s so beautiful and I’m … just me.Just meis far more than I believed a month ago, but I’m still getting used to the idea.

“Kodi and you need time together, and I want to go for a swim before the day starts. Thank you for last night,mon trésor. The bond is satisfied.”

Gilly told me about the pool and gym that the library installed, which explains where Garrett disappears to, but his mention of the bond banishes other thoughts. “Oh! I should check for my mark!”

“Later.” Avery kisses me again and slips from bed.

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