Page 54 of Saving Destiny

“Quite the opposite,mon trésor. I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Although it sounds rather crass, I knew the moment I tasted you that no other would be capable of satisfying me in any way. I’m afraid this certainty might have led the mark to form on your sphinx’s body. The familiarity and comfort of your presence came before that, however. When you defied a cruel man and claimed me as your own, I became yours. At that moment, you were a friend I longed to hold close.”

I pause and let her digest this before adding more. “I think I am a simple man at my core, which is why this seems uncomplicated to me. I can’t find any shame within me to regret how I feel, though, except for the worry it causes you. Before I met you, feeding and intimacy were habits that ensured survival. They weren’t necessarily unpleasant, but they also didn’t linger as precious memories or moments. Your feelings and thoughts are essential to my well-being, however, and I can wait until you feel ready.”

Zosia’s golden light grows nearer and consumes me; it feels like walking into sunlight after I’d been in the dark for an eternity. Her soft, warm lips meet mine; the kiss is tentative and unpracticed but genuine desire compels her and makes everything else irrelevant. A moan escapes me and I join the kiss. My lips gently coax and lead when she falters, but I mostly follow her lead. The tender naiveté to her actions increases my desire and the taste of sweet cherries lingers in her mouth. My heart pounds faster and I’m suddenly thankful to have real blood running through my veins and air in my lungs. I doubt this experience would be as stimulating without my body’s cues.

“I thought you agreed that I could watch the next time?” A familiar voice interrupts the haze of desire that’s overtaken my awareness.

Zosia’s energy blooms with hot embarrassment. “I did say you could watch if he bit me, but ….” Her tone carries a nervous apology to the ghost and me. “More could happen, and I don’t feel that’s my call to make. Avery should have a say in it.”

A smile seeks to pull my lips upward, but I fear either of them might misinterpret it, so I withhold my amused pleasure. “I have no qualms about Kodi being included or watching whatever might happen. I feel the same about Bren. I only exclude the shifter because I fear he can’t handle it yet, and he might act careless toward your feelings.” Their surprise is apparent, but Bren and I know we’re on a team. It’s understandable that we might share more than our living quarters.

“Can you handle it, Kodi?” The sphinx asks the ghost she loves and the concern behind it is evident. “Will it increase your anger and sadness about being dead? That’s the opposite of what we want if the goal is for you to kiss me too.”

Silence follows while the ghost considers Zosia’s question. His aura rarely exposes the emotion I sometimes sense in his tone. I can’t determine whether they are memories or genuine feelings, and I’m not certain he knows either.

“I hope that it will provide me with an incentive,” Kodi says finally. “I’m a little disappointed that I’m your first love but not your first lover, but it’s petty and unfair to hold that against anyone. I think watching might encourage me to accept my circumstances sooner. If I weren’t a ghost, I wouldn’t experience any of this, right?”

Kodi’s attitude has shifted immensely over the past few days, and the change is astounding. He’d been petulant, bitter, and overflowing with angst when I first met him. His newfound maturity will increase his chances of achieving solidity – if our theories are correct. I’d quietly disagreed with Bren when he’d stated that the only true purpose of life was death. Anything that exists must also change, even if that change happens at a molecular level. Kodi is changing.

“What about you, Zo? Are you ready?” The ghost asks the question I meant to, but it doesn’t matter who asks as long as she answers honestly.

My thumb absently caresses Zosia’s knuckles while trying to quell the slight quiver in her hands. “Actually, I am, but my brain keeps saying I shouldn’t be. It’s been conditioned by the habits of the magicless and seeks to provide me an endless string of excuses …, but I’ve been attracted to you since you walked through the library doors, Avery. My intuition also tells me that I can trust you, and I don’t bear any fears of regret. I can’t force myself to stall forever based on shoulds and should nots.”

I hum with agreement. “I am sorry you are struggling, Zosia. Sometimes I forget that your formative years were among the magicless. They value modesty and monogamy and place a price on virginity, and occasionally I think the primary reason is to believe they are righteous when compared to supernaturals. As you know, our culture is different. We form bonds quickly and we aren’t beholden to social constructs that, in my humble opinion, were created by males for the primary purpose of shaming and owning females. When we signed our names in that book, it bound us more tightly than any marriage contract; these are easily dissolved and more easily betrayed. We tied our lives to yours, but we also promised our faith and understanding. No one who matters will shame you for listening to your body’s desires or be upset if you choose to wait. I am not going anywhere,mon trésor.”

It pains me, emotionally and physically, to offer her so many avenues of refusal but my integrity demands that I speak them aloud.

Only a heartbeat passes before our beautiful librarian speaks. “I know all of this, but it helps to hear it aloud. I’ve decided though. I want you, Avery. I would like to feed you and have you in my bed. I’d also like your permission for Kodi to join us, even if he can only watch for now.”

A million times YES!I want to scream the word to the skies as desire surges through me, but I force myself to nod sedately and offer her an out because I am a gentleman. “I officially offer permission, but please let us know if your wishes change at any point. Shall we adjourn to one of our rooms? The shifter is already provoked.”

Zosia snorts. I find the sound delightful despite all the formality and archaic mannerisms that were drilled into me by someone who had lived centuries beyond their prime.

I have endured passing worries that Garrett might not overcome his jealous tendencies and his need to exclusively possess her, but those fears won’t prevent me from fulfilling our mate’s desires. If the shifter reneges on his contract because he can’t handle it, I will be better equipped to protect and soothe Zosia as a fully bonded mate. I have also suspected the importance behind one fully bonded guardian before the library’s doors officially open, but I couldn’t be certain I wasn’t feeding my hunger with pretty lies.

“Let’s go to my room. My bed is ridiculously big … and I’m comfortable there.” Although her words tremble with nerves, Zosia’s resolve doesn’t waver. When I hear the familiar clatter of her hands attempting to secure her braces, I stand.

“May I?” I ask and extend my arms toward her.

“May you what?”

“Will you allow me the honor of carrying you to your bed?” My voice exits in a huskier tone than I intend. “I know you can manage the distance quite well on your own, but I am impatient to feel your body against mine.”

“Okay.” She manages to say the word, but it sounds more like a squeak of acquiescence. It’s adorable.

Kodi, an amorphous silver mass in my strange vision, hovers close as if scared we’ll disappear. I mourn that I can’t see their faces or expressions, but this is my lot in life. With a little help from the sphinx and my vampire strength, I lift her carefully into my arms. Her weight isn’t insignificant because she bears curves and muscle mass, but the feel of her warm body against mine is as heavenly as I imagined. I’ve only hugged her once or twice, and I’m eager to explore her with my hands and lips until every inch of her body is imprinted on my brain. By tomorrow morning, we will belong to each other in every way.

Chapter 29

Zosia

The book Gilly delivered lays forgotten on my chair, and I only have a momentary wish to retrieve it. Every cell in my body is solely focused on the two men with me. The vampire smells of night blooming flowers and that scent that my sphinx loved. Kodi follows with an unreadable expression, and I feel both nervous and excited.

My cherry is about to be popped. I’m about to be deflowered. My nose wrinkles with distaste for both of the outdated phrases. Keeping up with current trends became more difficult when I stopped engaging on social media, and I didn’t attend school with my peers. I should have been born in an earlier era – but not too early, or my shame would be tripled.

Inevitably, my mind wanders to the numerous sex scenes in the books I’ve read. This situation isn’t even remotely the same. Most of the books I read were relatively tame and the action only involved a capable heroine and a lordly noble in a time when modesty was required and every woman retained theirpurity. Historical romances dominated my book pile because they were the most frequent discards in the public library’s giveaway bin – along with the harlequins that made me roll my eyes and want to rip my hair out. I had to borrow the more graphic ones and most of the librarians either gave me disapproving or pitying looks, except for the old lady with purple hair who’d winked with understanding – that was a little uncomfortable.

The orphanage’s movie night was always PG and the school district’s laptop had a firewall that prevented anything considered porn – not that I really wanted to watch that anyway. The little I accidentally stumbled on looked fake and strange. Because of these circumstances, I have less experience and knowledge when compared to my age group. I’d hoped to rely on books for help, but Gilly’s impromptu delivery had created a frenzy that made research impossible. Considering where it led, I can’t decide whether I’m still upset about her wily interference.

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