Page 22 of Coming Home

I rinsed my plate and put it in the dishwasher when I was done, then helped tuck Eve in for the night before saying goodbye. I could tell Peyton wanted to talk and make certain I was really okay, but I didn’t wait around for that.

As I drove through town on my way home, I somehow knew without a doubt in my mind that Ben was at the bar as I passed it. It was like I could feel his presence there and it sort of freaked me out. I’d always had an awareness towards him, but this was at a whole new creepy level.

Ben

Chapter 8

I sat at the bar letting reality finally sink in. I’d made a huge mistake. Shelby wasn’t mated to that weasel Grayson. It had all been a lie. Maybe she liked him at the time, maybe she didn’t. I couldn’t trust anything I thought anymore.

I knew she had been acting strangely, but I feared I may have jumped the gun on why. Seeing her standing there looking at me like I was a damn ghost had shaken me to my core. She wasn’t the girl I once knew. She was now this gorgeous woman who took my breath away.

The worst part was that my wolf was adamantly trying to claim her. I was struggling to believe it myself, but Shelby Collier might very well be my one true mate. I spent a late night at the bar pondering that thought.

Then first thing this morning, I’d tried to find her. It was easy to get the information I needed from Mom. Shelby was still single. She lived at the Alpha house with her parents and taught English at the middle school. Her mother seemed happy to see me when I stopped by, but Shelby wasn’t home, and no one seemed to know where the hell she was.

It was a teacher’s work day, but she’d made other plans for the day, though no one seemed to know exactly what those plans were.

“She said she’d be home for Thanksgiving, so I doubt she went to see Walker,” Cora had said.

“Who’s Walker?” I asked, and it still felt like I’d been throat punched just remembering her answer as I tried to calm my wolf and fought to control my breathing. My hands fisted tightly of their own accord.

“Oh, Walker’s her boyfriend dear, but it’s a long distance thing. Great guy. We all love him.”

I was going to have to put a stop to that right away. Shelby was mine. She had always been mine, I was just too stupid and jealous to realize it.

I wracked my brain trying to remember everything leading up to the day I lost it and joined the army. I didn’t exactly regret the decision, but would I now, knowing I stepped aside for a lying asshole when I should have been here to protect my girl?

I had read every letter Shelby had ever sent me and I went on a weeklong drinking binge that I do not remember at all when her letters stopped arriving. I still kept them all and read them frequently. When times were tough, they were what pushed me through.

I had wanted to write her back, but my pride wouldn’t allow it. She’d never once written a word about Grayson to me, that had always pissed me off, but now I understood that was because there had never been anything between them to write about, and I was the fool.

I shot back another two fingers of whiskey, hoping the fire would calm me. It did not.

For a moment I swore I felt her presence nearby, and I slapped some twenties on the counter and walked outside. Her scent was fresh in the air, but faint at the same time. I knew she had driven past the bar in the last few minutes. I shouldn’t be that aware of her, unless it was true, and Shelby really was my true mate.

Another punch of guilt hit me. She had poured her heart out to me after her sister had disappeared. I should have been here comforting her through that pain. I’d missed so much in the last nine years, only further evidenced by my not-so-little brothers.

Troy was holding back from me, distant, like he was afraid to get too close, but Will was wide open and stayed glued to my side like he was terrified I’d vanish into thin air if he let me out of his sight.

I had never once allowed myself to consider how my decisions had impacted my family and those I’d left behind. They say that giving your life to serve your country was the ultimate sacrifice, but being back here, now, it felt like the ultimate betrayal to everyone I loved. I was struggling to deal with that revelation.

Would it have been better if I had stayed? What kind of man would I be today then?

Would it have been better if I had kept in contact more? Called more? Sent responses to the letters Shelby wrote me?

I had made my commitment and adding guilt on top of it would only have caused potential distraction and harm to my unit. I had to believe I’d done the right thing.

One of the letters Shelby had written to me had always haunted me the most. She had sent a series of them while I was away at boot camp telling me she had some exciting news she couldn’t wait to share.

I had called her and asked her not to come, to allow me time with my family. It was the last time I had heard her voice before yesterday. She had cried and begged me to let her come, but in the end, she’d accepted my request and hadn’t shown.

A few weeks later as I was settling into the unit, she wrote that none of it mattered anymore. She sounded depressed and I swore the spots on the paper were tears. Something in my gut had told me to call and check on her, but I hadn’t. To survive out there, I needed to cut ties to Shelby, so I had. I couldn’t look back and regret that decision now, no matter what.

Cora Collier had invited me to dinner the next day, and at the rate things were going, it was my best chance to finally see Shelby and start getting the answers I so desperately needed to all these questions.

First thing the next morning, I took the boys fishing. The second we arrived, I knew it was a bad idea. Everywhere I looked I saw flashes of memories of Shelby. She was everywhere because she had been my everything.

I didn’t let the memories make me sad, though. They were great and I held on to the happiness I once felt with the hope we’d get back to that place again. I didn’t know if it was possible, but I was damn sure going to try.

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