Page 108 of Death Wish

I stood there for a while, staring at the radiant orange glow of the spirit door against the inky darkness of the night. I had done the right thing, hadn’t I? There was no way I could have saved Wyatt’s life. Especially when his soul was pulling away before we had found them near the woods. But even with all the facts, I couldn’t help but feel I should have done more.

Dying shouldn’t bother me still. I knew what happened after death. Souls lived very happily and comfortably, just on another plane. I knew this, but whenever I delivered the death touch, a part of me pinched with regret and sorrow for the person’s life I was ending.

Simon had always told me that feeling went away the more people I reaped, but for me, it didn’t. Why couldn’t I just be like Simon and do my job? Not feel anything? Death was just another part of the process. Everyone had to do it. There was nothing to be sorry about. At least that was what Simon had tried to drill into my head during his mentorship, yet it never stuck.

With death, there was still loss, wasn’t there? Sean had lost his father, the only person he had left in his life to love and be loved by. He had already lost his mother. Cole had lost a long-time friend and confidante. Hell, maybe even a fatherly figure. And even though I’d only known Wyatt for a short time, I felt the sting of his departure, too. It hurts still.

Maybe I wouldn’t ever be able to void myself from grief when doing my job. Maybe I was defective that way.

All I did know as I stared at the spirit door pulsing with some ancient power I didn’t understand was that I wished I could have saved him.

Now, I had to go back, look his son in the eye, and tell him it was done. He’d never see his father again. Not until his own death, anyway.

Using the palm of my hand, I smudged the chalk markings on the rough tree trunk, closing the door, and began my short walk back to the group. Kay’s comforting words floated from the edge of the forest, and when I approached, I saw her rubbing Sean’s shoulders and assuring him that I knew what I was doing, and if his father ever decided to visit the living world, she’d have no problem channeling for him. Of course, she didn’t know spirits crossing over without a reaper guide was a rarity, but I wasn’t going to ruin their moment together. It seemed Kay’s soothing touch was doing its job and calming Sean. Why hinder a good thing?

Besides, maybe once this whole mess was over and I returned to the afterlife, I could find a way to pass Wyatt between worlds for some kind of earthly visits. A spirit vacation, if you will. It had never been done before, as far as I knew, so there was a good chance it was against the rules.

But I had never been someone to follow the rules, now had I?

This was all based on the idea that I was safe to return to home and work, that is. I still didn’t know why Azrael had hired Cole to track me down and gone through this elaborate dance to keep me “distracted” and away from demons. I had never wanted anything to do with demons if the first place. Whatever his reason, it had something to do with this white light I possessed and the marking on my chest.

It was almost as if he didn’t want me to find out what they were.

Who I really was.

Maybe I’d stay low for a little bit. Not go back into the afterlife until things blew over or I figured out more about myself.

Sean turned to me the moment I stepped out of the concealment of the trees.

To my surprise, he said, “Thank you, Jade. I’d rather it was you who got to help him cross instead of anyone else.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied with a small smile.

I glanced around, finding Laurence and Cole were gone. So was Wyatt’s body. I could put two and two together there, and I didn’t blame Sean for not being able to take part in the burial of his father. I still hated that we couldn’t have done anything for Marla’s body. All I could do was hope that when the police came to the residence the next day on a suspected break-in call, they would take good care of her. Maybe call family and let them know.

“We’ll stay over here tonight with you, if you want,” Kay suggested. “Or you can come over to my apartment. I have a pullout couch and tons of food in the fridge. Angel’s invited, too, of course.”

Sean scratch the dog behind the ears. “Thanks, Kay. I appreciate it.”

A couple minutes later, Laurence and Cole trudged back through the darkness. A floating ball of light hovered in front of them, illuminating their way. Must have been another one of Laurence’s level one spells. Pretty useful.

“We made a temporary marking with two sticks that we found. He’s by his old Buick like you wanted,” Cole said.

“Okay.” Sean looked up at me. “You know, he used to say that when he died, I better not make it a big deal. He didn’t want the wake and lavish coffin and all that. He would say he didn’t care if I put his ashes in a coffee tin and set it on the mantel.” A hiccup of a laugh escaped. “I figured his beat-up old Buick was a better place. Could you ask him if that’s okay when you see him?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded.

“Did you find his hat?” Sean asked the two men. “He must have lost it during the fight.”

“Yes. He has it again.” Cole walked over and grasped him by the shoulder. “Let’s get out the dark. We can talk more inside.”

“Good idea,” Kay chimed in and began walking toward the trailer.

As the group strolled ahead, I slowed my pace, lingering at the place where the crater had opened up and the Halflings had crawled out of. Just like before, the ground had rematerialized over the hole, the earth zipping back together again as if nothing supernatural had happened at all.

The ground there was still muddied and darkened by the tarlike blood Xaver had used to draw his Hell circle. I needed his blood, didn’t I? For the ritual to save Kay and possibly Cole? And Xaver wasn’t alive anymore to get it.

Would it matter if I collected whatever I could from the ground and used that? Hopefully not. There weren’t any other options at this point.

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