Page 17 of When We Dare

I turned the water to cold. Even then, I had to take matters into my own hands, literally. This was round three of me coming with thoughts of Stella. She’d become so much more than a fantasy. I knew the sounds she made, I knew the way she trembled when her body quickened, and I knew how it felt when she came all over my fingers.

And, now she was my roommate. All I had to do was walk up the stairs to her room. In the middle of winter, the chances of me finding another place to stay were slim. Finding a good place to rent in Willow Brook was not easy to begin with. It was a tourist destination so many rentals were slated as short-term.

Something about last night with Stella had burrowed into me. The ribbons cast around my heart were strong. Stella could break me and she didn’t even know it.

After several minutes under the icy water, I was wide awake and freezing cold. As I toweled off, I made a decision. I didn’t like admitting it to myself, but I’d been avoiding her.

I would be direct and tell her I wanted her. Because I did. Holy hell, I wanted her. Maybe I needed to run straight at it, likeI did a fire in the wilderness. I also needed to strategize lines of defense around my heart. That meant getting her out of my system. Just like a fire in a dry forest, it had to burn itself out. The more I dwelled on her, the hotter the fire would burn.

I tugged a T-shirt on and jogged upstairs into the kitchen. Stella was standing by the counter, filling a mug with coffee.

“Good morning,” I said, my voice coming out forcefully.

Stella spun around. The smattering of light freckles on her cheeks stood out in the early morning light. She looked fresh and pretty. My heart pinched a little. As I stared at her, I realized it had been a grave mistake to avoid her. Seeing her after too many days was a jolt to my nerves.

“Good morning.” She took a swallow of coffee.

My eyes were drawn to the way her lips parted just before they closed around the edge of the mug. When she lowered it and slid her tongue across her bottom lip, my knees almost buckled. Need sank its claws into me, twisting tightly.

I cleared my throat. “Do you have a minute?”

Her curls bounced a little with her nod.

I barreled ahead. “Here’s the thing, I don’t want to get into all the reasons why, but I can’t get serious with someone. I realize we’ve—” I paused when pink flared on her cheeks.

“I guess what I’m saying is maybe we could be friends with a little bit more.” As soon as I said that, I felt ridiculous. What the hell was I thinking? Stella was worth so much more than that.

She studied me, curling both hands around her mug. “Okay,” she said, startling me.

I’d braced myself for her to be insulted, maybe even upset with me. In contrast, she seemed calm about the whole thing, almost practical.

“I have my own reasons for not wanting to get serious. I don’t even want to feel like I need to explain them. It seems like wehave some…” Her composure flagged and she paused, biting her lip.

“Chemistry,” I offered helpfully.

She blinked and nodded. “I should tell you something though.”

“What’s that?”

“Not because it matters, but I’m a virgin.”

Chapter Thirteen

HUDSON

Four days later

I stood in the shower, ice-cold water beating down over me. Again. I was still in shock from Stella’s announcement. It changed everything.

Or, maybe it didn’t.

I didn’t even know what I was supposed to do with the detail that she was a virgin, except come to terms with the fact that maybe it ruled out having something casual. We managed not to encounter each other at all over the following three days. I told myself it was by chance on her part.

Work was busy because it always was.Is your work schedule really that busy in the winter?My cynical mind taunted me.

On occasion, we did go out of town for fires in the winter, but there weren’t many to deal with here in Alaska. The town crew handled most of the local calls unless something required multiple crews. Our crew wasn’t even on duty right now. Some were out of town, some were keeping a light schedule, and others, including me, were working out, doing training exercises, and so on.

“Fuck,” I muttered before turning off the water and stepping out of the shower.

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