Page 18 of When We Dare

As I got dressed, my mind looped back to Stella. Ever since our first kiss, it always circled back to her.

I didn’t want to care that she was a virgin, but I had so many questions. She had already brought me to my knees inside. What I wanted to be uncomplicated now felt complicated. Not just because she told me she was a virgin, but becausethat detail poured gasoline on the fire burning inside.

Distracted, I forgot to check to see if her car was gone before walking upstairs. When I walked into the kitchen, she turned around, her eyes widening when she saw me. Her cheeks flushed pink within a split second. Our eyes connected, and it felt as if there was an electrical current snapping and crackling in the air between us.

I cleared my throat and stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Good morning,” I managed to say.

While I was contemplating what to say next, Stella twisted her hands together, her brow furrowing as she looked over at me. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything about that. I just wasn’t thinking—” She let out a sigh before chewing on her bottom lip. “It’s not a big deal. Me being a virgin, I mean. It’s just I get really anxious. I’m not saving myself or anything. Sex never goes well for me. You don’t seem like an asshole and so I was just making sure you knew the whole situation—” She stopped and shook her head sharply before adding, “I just made it worse. I’m really sorry. How about we pretend that we never kissed, that nothing else happened, and that I never told you that?”

“I’m glad you told me,” I said after a few beats of silence. “I try not to be an asshole.” I paused, attempting to formulate my thoughts into something sensible. “I can’t forget any of it.” Silence stretched like elastic between us. “What do you want?” I finally asked.

Stella’s eyes went wide. She stared at me for so long, I started to get nervous.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, I’d like to not be a virgin anymore. I don’t think I’m officially a virgin. Because, I mean, I have a vibrator,” she added.

My mouth dropped open, and her cheeks went fire-engine red.

Chapter Fourteen

STELLA

Hudson’s eyes were wide, and my cheeks were so hot I worried my face might melt.

So, a few days ago, you told this guy you were a virgin, and now you just told him you think maybe not because you have a vibrator. Way to go.

My critical mind was good at its job. I had plenty of practice with beating myself up.

Mentally scrambling, I stared up at him, wishing I could run away, preferably to dive into a vat of ice water to cool myself off. I couldn’t think of any way to backtrack from this. I’d spent three days avoiding him and wishing my mouth didn’t get ahead of my brain. True to form, my mouth had gone and done it all over again.

“Um…” I began. Brilliant start. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Obvious much?Critical me lobbed that into the mental churn of sheer embarrassment.

I finally groaned. “How about we forget I ever said anything? We never kissed, you have no idea I’m a virgin, and you definitely don’t know that I have a vibrator,” I babbled.

I could feel the burn of Hudson’s stare. There wasn’t much I could do to make thismoreembarrassing, so I told myself I could handle this.

“I can’t forget any of that.” His words were slow and deliberate.

I felt as if I were picking my way through a minefield of anxiety and embarrassment and the most awkward series of moments I had ever encountered. And, of course, it was all made worse by the fact that we lived in the same house and I couldn’t avoid him.

“If you worked at it, maybe you could?” I pressed.

Hudson’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he let out adisbelieving laugh. He didn’t seem to be mocking me, more laughing at himself.

“I could try, but it would require some kind of memory-wiping device.” His tone was dry as tumbleweed.

My own laugh bubbled up. As soon as it started, the momentum built until it was a full belly laugh and tears were rolling down my cheeks. By the time I pulled myself together, Hudson was shaking his head slowly. I was hot and tingly all over.

The laughter was good because it relieved the pressure of sheer mortification. I sighed and wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I’m sorry to make this all so awkward, but I suppose that’s my brand.”

“Your brand?”

I shrugged. “You know, like what you’re known for. I’m known for being socially awkward, never being cool.”

Hudson studied me for several beats. “You’re pretty cool.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m definitely not cool, Hudson. I’m almost thirty and I’m a virgin. And, it’s not because I’m saving myself for someone amazing. At least, that would make sense. It’s because I’m awkward and tense and I can’t relax. I promisedmyself I wouldn’t keep dating assholes. That’s my other brand, dating assholes, that is. I hope you’re not an asshole. I’m not saying that we’re dating, because we’re definitely not, but we kissed and I tend to kiss guys who are assholes.”

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