Page 20 of Praying Mantis

I can tell Matthew is not amused at all by the tapping of his foot and his crossed arms over his chest staring down at me in my crouched position.

“Okay, I think that is Sean’s mom over there at the eggplants, and I don’t know if he’s with her.” I know I can fucking kill people, and as the Queen of Hearts would say, “off with their heads,” but right now I’m spineless.

“Louisa, maybe you need to talk to Sean. Not all law enforcement or men with that type of power are bad. I know there are things in your past with your dad that make you hate law enforcement, but there is more going on and I wish you would tell me why, but I respect you enough to not push you.” Matthew knows my dad was involved in a lot of illegal activity, but I never went into great detail about it and how the cops would always look the other way when it came to his crime. Now with me being a hitwoman, and Sean hunting me, I can’t trust myself around Sean right now, but I do miss him. Matthew is right, and that chaps my ass.

“Okay, how about this; I will shoot him a text and try?” The smile that graces Matthew’s face makes me smile as well.

Me: Boo! I’m sorry I ghosted you. I don’t know if you even want to see me, but how about lunch tomorrow at about noon at Lagan House?

Sean: I will be there.

That’s all? He probably moved on and I’m too late, fuck.

Sean: I missed you more than you know, acushla.

I swear just like that, I can feel the weight of the world off my shoulders. Matthew and I hustle out of there because parents make me awkward. Got to love dysfunctional family traumas.

Matthew and I part ways, and when I get back to my apartment, I am starting to freak the fuck out. Sean is an FBI agent. What if he knows I am really Praying Mantis, and he’s trying to trap me? There is the sane part of me that knows by his actions that he knows nothing, so then what if this goes the distance? I fall in love with him and then he finds out I’m this monster they are hunting? I know I could survive prison, but another broken heart would be the death of me. I leave the kitchen and head to my bathroom. When I was a child, a doctor diagnosed me with panic attacks that are a result of my anxiety being triggered. I haven’t had one in a long time, but I do have a Valium on hand when it does happen. I swallow the pill with a small glass of water. After leaving the bathroom, I walk into my bedroom to lay down and think really hard for the first time about retiring and being a teacher full-time.

Sean

We have been home from Texas for three days. I was so distracted the whole time by the reaction Louisa had to my profession. Is it the danger of the job? Is it a bad experience with the police from her past? Or was it just a shock so early in the morning? There were so many scenarios running through my head when I went back to my hotel room. What is wrong with being an FBI agent?

We are at an impasse with the case, with no evidence found at the scene. It’s as if the Praying Mantis is more of a ghost. Today though, is about lunch with Louisa, and hopefully, it’s not ending before we can really start it. Walking past Tony, “Hey man, I’m heading out. I’ll be unavailable, but I’ll let you know when I’m back on the radar.” With a simple head nod as his reply, I walk out the door and head to my car, where hopefully my next step to a possible future.

I need her to know that yes my job does take me away at times, but I will always try to make time for her. I want to make her a priority. My mother would complain to her sister on the phone when she thought I wasn’t listening about the disappointment she felt when my father always chose work over the family. I believe that’s why I haven’t been married, or even close, because I never wanted to place my wife in a similar situation as my mother.

I leave my desk and go over to where Tony is.

I arrived at Lagan House ten minutes early and find Louisa walking up to the door. I pray this is a good sign that she is eager to see me too. I exit my car, and briskly walk up to her.

“Louisa.” I call out to her then see her twist around and her eyes widen with surprise.

“Sean.” My name leaves her lips barely a whisper, and it is like a charge to my senses. The zap or jolt of electricity you hear people talk about.

“You look just as beautiful as always, acushla.” I want to engulf her in my arms and just breathe her in. She looks so nervous, playing with the hem of her skirt.

“I’m glad you agreed to meet me today, Sean.” I can’t stop myself when I bridge the gap between us and hug her. When she puts her arms around my waist, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. This woman undoes me. “I’m sorry.” I pull back and look down at her.

“What are you sorry for, Louisa? I never explained what I do for a living.” She pulls me back in and I just hold her.

“Sean, I guess we never got to the point of full disclosure about our families.” I’m waiting for her to finish. “My dad wasn’t a great man, and he was an even shittier father. I grew up seeing men in power abuse it, and I vowed I would never be with a man like that.” The bushes in front of the restaurant restrict our view from looking in but it also serves a purpose of not letting anyone from inside look out at us. I tug her closer to me, my hands move to her hips. I squeeze them trying to reassure her I’m here for her. “My dad was a criminal and people in your profession never did anything about it. I don’t trust easily, and I really liked getting to know you, and it freaked me out.”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me this instead of ghosting me?” Louisa’s face distorts to some sort of discomfort, which leads me to think there is more to it than just her dad. I don’t push the issue because I have her back where she belongs, in my arms.

“I needed to get out of my head,” she whispers. I kiss the top of her head. If on cue, her stomach rumbles, making us both laugh.

“I better feed you. I’m not going anywhere. I need you to know we need to communicate. If you’re in your head, let me know. I can either talk you through what’s going on or give you the space, as long as I know you’re coming back to me.”

“I’ll try. It’s the only thing I can promise you.” I nod, letting her know I can get behind her response. We walk into the restaurant and the server leads us to the table. We spend the next hour and a half laughing and talking about everything and anything. We avoid talking about family. I feel like her declaration of what her dad was like growing took a toll on her. As we finish up the meal, I can’t stop looking at her.

“What would you say if we got together tonight? We can order pizza or I could try to cook something and we could watch a movie?” I bring up to her as I throw a few twenty dollar bills down onto the table. I hold Louisa’s hand and I don’t let it go until I’m at her car.

“Whose place tonight, mine or yours?” She smiles at me.

“What are you more comfortable with?”

“My place?” she asks and sounds worried I’m going to argue with her.

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