Page 147 of Diamond Kisses

My gaze locked on the stitches directly over her sternum.

A tiny wound with a colourful bruise feathering around it.

A mark from the bullet that killed Peter.

My legs almost gave out a second time as the doctor yelled, “Clear!”

An awful whine followed by a heavy thud.

Ily jerked off the bed, her body rising before falling back down.

Rachel stood in the corner, tears rivering down her cheeks. She wrung her hands. “She was fine. She was fine. And then—” She buried her face into her hands.

I staggered as one of the doctors removed the oxygen tube from beneath Ily’s nose and the other one down her throat. Placing a clear mask over her, one doctor squeezed air into her lungs with every pump of the bellows while the other doctor kept count on his watch.

“Clear!”

I groaned in fucking misery as they shocked her again.

She fell back. Her arms splayed, head lolled, eyes closed.

“Keep going. Do whatever it takes,” Q snarled. “I’ll get Dr Harl.” He bolted from the room.

And I just stood there.

Sick.

Useless.

Numb.

The doctor pushed air into her, again and again, making her chest rise and fall, rise and fall.

The other counted down the seconds, then pressed the paddles back over her breasts. “Clear!”

Another wallop of electricity.

Another shock just like on Victor’s island.

I-I can’t.

I stumbled backward.

I crashed against the wall.

How many times had I seen her writhing and twitching on the ground, thanks to her collar? How many times had I pressed that godforsaken button and delivered the current myself?

Ah fuck.

My eyes burned.

My terror mutated into something savage and wrong.

I’d hoped I’d done enough to be worthy of her.

I’d hoped I’d be allowed to be happy after so many decades of misery.

But…I hadn’t done enough.

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