Page 127 of Indiscretion

“Oh, Dawson…” I covered my heart with my hand. “You did something beautiful.Twice. And what happened after is just part of life. Even if things hadn’t improved for Frannie, it wouldn’t have been your fault.” I shook my head, feeling awe as I looked at the man in front of me. “I can’t believe you did that and didn’t tell me.”

“I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

Still in shock, I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I was starting to get jealous because you kept asking about my sister even when you were clearly avoiding me.”

“Can you forgive me for not telling you and then not being there for you these last few weeks?”

“Forgive you?” I pulled him into my arms. “I should be thanking you. You gave her the most amazing gift, and you gave me the gift of more time with my sister.” I hugged him tight. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

After a long time of holding each other, Dawson pulled back. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Oh God. What else?”

He took my face in his hands and looked straight into my eyes. “I love you, Naomi. I think I have from the first moment we met.”

“I love you, too.” My eyes filled with tears, happy ones this time, yet I couldn’t help but laugh. “Though the first time we met, I gave you a black eye.”

His lip twitched. “But I showed you my dick. So no wonder you stuck around.”

I smiled, feeling hope bloom inside of me. “Welcome back. Believe it or not, I even missed your big ego.”

Dawson rubbed his nose with mine. “How about we go back to my place? And I apologize properly.”

I bit down on my bottom lip. “What did you have in mind?”

Dawson’s eyes shifted over my shoulder. He lifted his chin, guiding me to follow his line of sight. When I did, I found Leo once again bent over Sheldon, humping away. “Maybe a little of that, for starters?”

Chapter 38

DAWSON

A month later, I sat on the damp Connecticut grass watching the sunrise on the morning of Bailey’s birthday. The last time I’d visited this cemetery was the day of her funeral. I’d thought about coming here often, but I’d never had the balls to do it. Maybe it was because I’d never known what to say. Or maybe I knew that if I was ever truly going to move on, I’d need to come here and say goodbye. Whatever the reason, I was ready now, so I took a deep breath and spoke to my best friend.

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit sooner. I won’t even try to give you an excuse, because you were always able to see through my bullshit. Even though I wasn’t here, I spent a lot of time thinking about you, and there’s a lot I need to say, once and for all.

“I’m sorry, Bailey. I’m sorry I hurt you when you found out I was with someone else. And I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my feelings.” I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out four envelopes—the three yellowed ones I’d written to Bailey a long time ago, and a new one that was already addressed with a stamp on it. Setting the four old ones against the headstone, I continued. “Most of all, I’m sorry I got you sick. I went to see your mom not long ago, and she told me it wasn’t my fault that you died—that you were sick, and it was only a matter of time. But even if that’s true, it should have been on your own terms, when you were ready. Maybe someday I’ll be able to accept that I couldn’t have changed things and make peace with the idea that God took you when He wanted. But I haven’t yet. So instead, I’m here to ask for your forgiveness. Because I need to start to heal.

“I’ve met someone, Bailey. And I’m terrified I’m going to fuck that up, too, like I did all the other relationships I’ve had in my life. But for once, the thought of losing her terrifies me more than the thought of getting close to someone again.

“You were always worried about how I was going to deal with things once you were gone. You knew I might keep things bottled up too tight.” I scoffed. “Turns out you had good reason for that. But I want to change. I want to find peace, and I want to find it with Naomi. So today, not only have I come to give you a long-overdue apology, but I’ve also come to tell you what a big influence you still are in my life.” I lifted the last envelope in my hand and looked down at it. “I’m going to have to work my way up to talking about my feelings, but I figured this would be a good start. I’m opening myself up to someone—through a letter, like the ones you made me write every year.”

I put the letter addressed to Naomi Heart back in my pocket for safekeeping. I planned to stop at the post office on the way home and mail it. She’d probably think it was strange, considering we spent all day and a few nights a week together. But I wasn’t taking any chances. I wanted to give Naomi everything I had.

I sat with my back to Bailey’s headstone for a long time, remembering the good times we’d had over the years. Eventually, it was time to go. I stood and wiped dirt from my pants.

“I hope you can forgive me. I will never forget you, even if I manage to stop beating myself up over how things ended. Goodbye, Bailey. I really did love you.”

Epilogue

NAOMI

3 years later

“What the hell are you wearing?” I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter and laughed, getting a look at Dawson’s outfit. “You look ridiculous.”

Dawson lifted his bright green pant leg to reveal even more color, bright yellow socks. He also had on a royal blue shirt and a red tie. “What? You don’t like it?”

“Why are you dressed like that?”

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