Page 27 of (Un)Spoken

Shuffling sounds echoed on the other side of the line, sure Hadley was sitting up in bed so we could talk. I wished she was here with me, laying at my side like we did a million times that first year of college. She was the one who knew all my fears about Cam, the one who held my hand when I took a pregnancy test, who didn’t let go during the longest three minutes of my life. She let me cry on her shoulder when those two lines appeared and told me she’d support whatever choice I made.

“Tell me everything.”

And I did. I explained all about reconnecting with Adam and how he was the one who had kept me steady in my moments of doubt, that what started as my brother’s friend looking out for me had transitioned into a tentative friendship of our own, at least until I crossed that line. But despite telling her everything else, I couldn’t bring myself to reveal any of Adam’s secrets. I was still processing that he’d been dealing with a stalker for months and that no one else really knew what was going on. While I understood his reasons, it was hard not to fear for his safety. But it wasn’t my place to tell. Every word would be kept between us unless Adam’s safety was at risk. Even though I was upset with him right now, that was the one thing I’d never let happen. Not when he meant so much to me—I mean, Cole.

“And then he told me to be brave, so I just…I went for it, Hads.”

She let out a little gasp. “Please tell me you fucked his brains out.”

“No!” I shook my head. “We just kissed, and…” I sighed at the memory. “It was amazing. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I could have drowned, and I would have been okay with it as long as he kept kissing me.”

Hadley giggled. “Girl, you have it so bad for him! I can’t believe I get to say I know someone who hooked up with Adam Rice. My best friend, ladies and gentlemen, a hero for all womankind.”

“Save your accolades for after I finish,” I groaned. “I would have kept going, but Adam stopped it. Just when I was really starting to throw all my caution to the wind, he just…stopped.”

“Did he say why?”

I chewed on the corner of my lip. “I didn’t exactly give him the chance.”

“Victoria!”

“I know, I know,” I squealed, hiding behind my hands. “But you weren’t there, Hads. I felt so vulnerable, standing there in front of him, practically naked. So when he started to shut things down, I freaked out and needed to get as much space between us as possible. If I didn’t…” I looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I would have done.”

She sighed, putting on her therapist hat. “I get that, babe. I really do, especially because he’s not a passing moment. Adam’s a permanent fixture in Cole’s life, so that means he’ll be in yours too, especially if you’ve decided to forgive Cole.” She paused, mulling over her next words. “But I also think you spoke too soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you, Tor, but you tend to cut people off before they can hurt you. I know why, and I’m not saying it isn’t justified, but I’ve also seen you shrink yourself over the past few years. You’re so focused on Emilia and making sure she has everything she needs. And while that makes you a great mom, can you honestly say it’s enough?”

“I…I don’t know.”

Hadley sighed. “If you never open up to anyone, sure, you’ll never risk rejection, but you’ll also never find someone to share your life with. And that breaks my heart for you, Tori. If anyone in this world deserves that great kind of love, it’s you. Your heart’s too big to be kept locked away forever.”

Her words hit their mark. My eyes started to water as I weighed each one. For the first time in a long time, I wondered if the way I’d been functioning wasn’t enough. “Maybe,” I laughed through the tears.

“I’ll take a maybe,” Hadley laughed. “And I’m not saying it has to be today. It doesn’t have to be Adam. But maybe get a little space between the two of you and see how you want to move forward. You don’t have to have all the answers tonight.”

I chuckled, wiping my tears away with my thumb. “I guess you’re right. God, I hate that you’re right.”

“That’s what best friends are for, babe. Reminding you that you deserve everything, even if you refuse to believe it yourself.”

The smashingof glass bottles filled my ears, but I didn’t move, keeping my body flush against thedoor. It was probably the worst idea; who knew what was living on the surfaces of this seedy motel room? The whole place smelled like weed and rot, and most of it was coming from the manglaring at me, trying to force his way outside. My eyes threatened to close, wishing I was anywhere else, that I didn’t have to watch this scene unfold in front of me. If you told me years ago that this screaming, incoherent man was my brother, I’d punch you.

But the new reality was a bitter pill to swallow. Cole, who had left to join the armed forces, never returned. The brother who told me jokes and held my hand during thunderstorms was long gone. The manwhoreturned was an angry, bitter shell who only showed anger as an emotion. And right now, all that anger was directed at his best friend, the same one who had answered my call on the first ring, coming to my aid without a second thought.

“Fuck you,” Cole hissed, stumbling on unsteady legs. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Not going to happen,” Adam hissed, shoving Cole back. With his drunken steps, he stumbled onto the bed, still hissing harsh words when his back hit the mattress. I cried out in sympathy pain, knowing that his skin was still a mottled mess from an accident overseas. What exactly happened, Cole never divulged, keeping that secret locked away in a vault inside his mind.

As Cole’s head fell back, he let out a sardonic chuckle. “Fucking Saint Rice, coming to save the day. This act is getting really fucking old.” He lifted his head, a shit-eating grin filling his face. But as he turned to me, it instantly fell. “Let me guess— that little bitch ratted me out?”

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Adam’s voice was stern, harsher than I’d ever heard it. “She’s the reason you’re not in prison right now.”

“Bullshit,” Cole said. “I had it handled.”

“Not even a little,” I muttered, unable to hold the words back. It was true. If I’d arrived at the bar minutes later, thecops would have taken Cole away. And while that might have been better than this, some sick part of me refused to let it happen. He was my brother, my responsibility, and no matter how much damage he caused, I was there to help pick up the pieces. But it didn’t mean I had to like it.

“She speaks!” Cole chuckled, sitting up to glare at me. “When you gonna get it through your head, kid? I don’t need you. I don’t fucking want you around. You’re nothing more than a nuisance.”

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