“What about me?”
“Are there any other reasons why you’re not pursuing…”
“Victoria.”
“Victoria,” she said, as if reading something in how I said her name. Knowing Dr. Kedir, she probably was. “Worst-case scenario—what would happen if you decided to pursue her?”
“She could get hurt,” I answered quickly, pushing the words out before I could take them back. But as soon as I spoke them out loud, I laughed at myself. “This conversation is ridiculous. She’s leaving in a few days, so it’s not like anything could happen even if I wanted it to. Besides, I barely know Tori anymore. I don’t even know why we’re talking about her.”
“You brought her up, Adam,” she chuckled.
“So?”
“So you know why we’re talking about her. You’re trying to talk yourself out of this attraction, and you’re hoping I’ll back you up.”
“But you won’t?”
“Not in the way you hope.” She leaned forward, leaning her elbows on her knees. “Only you can decide how youwant to proceed. There will always be reasons not to put yourself out there. Fear can?—”
“I’m not afraid.”
“I beg to differ,” she said. “I think you’re frightened this girl has already gotten under your skin. And that if you’re not careful, you will be the one nursing a broken heart when she goes back home.”
“Careful, Doc,” I chuckled. “You know I have a fragile ego.”
No smile graced her lips. Instead, she kept staring at me, waiting for me to drop the cavalier act. I groaned, dropping my head to the back of the couch. “Fine, yes, I don’t want to get hurt either, but that’s not what’s holding me back. I meant what I said. She’s Cole’s little sister, and if I hurt her, he’d never forgive me. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”
“But why is that a foregone conclusion? Why is the only option that you’re going to hurt her?”
“You know my reputation, Doc.”
“I know the one you hide behind, who the media portrays you to be.” She shook her head. “But that is not the man who shows up here every week, the one who constantly worries if he’s doing enough to support the people around him.”
My face fell, and I dropped my gaze to my hands. Supporting my friends was easy. Ignoring the critics who analyzed my every move was a much more complex task. As much as I tried, their words got to me, especially when it was parts of my past I was already ashamed of.
“I’m not ready to go there yet,” I answered quietly, still not looking up to face her. I knew if I saw a flicker of disappointment in her gaze, it would gut me alive.
“Okay, we can table that topic for another day.” She pulled her notepad back into her lap, scribbling somethingon the top page. I didn’t even want to know what she was thinking. “Have you received any more letters?”
My blood stilled at her words. Images of white envelopes played out in my mind, haunting my thoughts. I could still feel the crisp paper under my hands, remembering each swirl of the script. “No,” I answered honestly. “I haven’t received any since I moved up here.”
“Good,” she answered. “That has to be a tremendous weight off your shoulders.”
“Yes and no,” I said. “It’s taking some time to let my guard down. I feel like I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, just waiting for the moment they show up again.”
“That’s a natural reaction to your situation, Adam. When someone invades your life like that, it puts you in a vulnerable position.” She paused and breathed out through her nose. Over the past months, I’d gotten to know some of Dr. Kedir’s tells as well. This one meant she was about to say something I might not like. “Have you given any more thought to going to the authorities?”
“No.”
“Adam, there is no shame in your situation. Plenty of other people have dealt with stalkers?—”
“I said no,” I barked, standing up to face her fully. “I tried that route once, and it just made things worse. If I knew who was targeting me, then maybe the cops could help. But until then, they’re useless. It’s not like I can serve a restraining order on a ghost. Besides, if I make any noise up here, they’ll find me. I’m enjoying my peace, and I’m not ready to give it up just yet.”
She hummed, noting another damn thing on that fucking pad of hers. “What?” I snapped. “What do you have to say?”
She put her pen down on the end table, and I instantlystiffened. “If you would like my professional opinion, I think you are hiding, Adam.”
“Excuse me?”