Page 16 of (Un)Spoken

“What do you mean?”

“A bunch of us invested in the property—well, invested in Alex’s dream, really. When Cole asked, it was an easy choice. Besides, they would have done the same for us.”

A knot formed in the bottom of my throat, the dueling emotions making it hard to feel the world around me. The theme of this week was going to be conflicted sentiments—mostly surrounding my brother and his new home. I wanted nothing more than to be wholly happy for him. He’d clearly found his place in the world and friends who had become more like family. But he had a family, one he’d left behind as soon as he passed the Texas state line. Did he not think we’d support him? That we wouldn’t want to be a part of his new world?

Or were we no longer needed?

Adam turned, his smile falling slightly as he looked at me. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours?”

“Nothing,” I said, shaking away the lingering doubts. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah…” He sighed. “Don’t believe that for one second. We’ve already established you have a terrible poker face, trouble.” He leaned in, turning so we were standing side by side, facing where Cole and Gray were locked in conversation. “I know it’s hard not to feel resentful, but remember what we talked about.”

“I’m trying,” I admitted. “I’m trying so hard to forget everything and start fresh. But I just…” I sighed, rubbing my hand over my eyes. “I can’t help it. I hate that he’s missed so much. And as horrible as it sounds, it was easier when I knew he was a mess, when I knew the reason he wasn’t coming home was because he was struggling. But seeing him so happy, so put together? It rips at me a little, knowing he’s rebuilt his whole life, and I barely have a part of it.”

“Tor…” Adam sighed. “He’s tried to get in contact with you before?—”

“I know,” I snapped, trying not to let my defenses rise. “I know I should have reached out sooner, that I shouldhave let him visit. It’s my fault we’re not as close as we once were.”

“I never said that,” Adam said, taking my hand and pulling me into a corner. “What I was going to say is that there was a reason you needed time, that you waited until this moment to let Cole back into your life.” He reached out, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. “I know how easy it is to let those dark thoughts win, to believe the worst in the world. But there’s a lot to be thankful for, and right now, I’m pretty damn thankful you decided to come up here.”

“For Cole?” I said, slightly breathless at his proximity. From here, it was too easy to study the depth of his blue eyes, to memorize the vibrant lines and hues. What would happen if I shifted slightly? Would he kiss me, let me feel the weight of his lips against mine? I wanted nothing more than to find out, even though, logically, I knew it would be a disaster. But it seemed like every time I reminded myself of that fact, a louder voice rang out, daring me to try something new, to jump without worrying and weighing the consequences.

“For a lot of reasons.”

Adam’s thumb brushed my cheek, and a flush filled my skin. His gaze darted down to my lips, and for a brief moment, I let myself imagine he wanted me too. My mouth fell open, daring him to kiss me before common sense broke us apart, but it was useless. As quick as his touch had been, it left, leaving me feeling hollow and a little foolish.

TEN

“And then I touched her, and…”

My voice trailed off, and I was unsure how to even finish the thought. How could I explain that touching the one person Ishouldn’tbe touching felt like the first thing I’d done right in months?

I stared up at the clock on the wall, watching as the seconds ticked by. Over these past few months, I’d spent a lot of time analyzing each of the wood-sculpted elements. The trees and animals were familiar friends, and my eyes tended to drift whenever I was stumbling through my own feelings.

“Adam?” Dr. Kedir asked, breaking me out of my stare-down.

“Sorry,” I muttered, squeezing my brow between my forefingers. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening there. I keep telling myself to stay away, but every time Victoria’s in the room, I feel this need to check in on her, to be close to her. It’s the last thing I should be thinking about right now.”

“And why is that?”

I looked up at Dr. Kedir, letting annoyance show in my expression. This was a game we’d played for months, ever since I stumbled into her office on a lonely Monday, hoping she could fix what was broken inside me. I wanted a quick solution, instant gratification to subjugate the lingering fear. But she just chuckled, telling me therapy was a marathon, not a sprint. She was willing to help me, but I had to want to put in the work and commit to coming to her office at least once a week.

I left without any intention of returning.

But after almost suffering a panic attack at the sight of mail on the counter, I returned, knowing that if I didn’t start to work through my traumas, I’d never get back to my old life.

Instead of answering her question, I sighed, crossing my arms as I leaned back on the pale green velvet couch. Dr. Kedir’s office felt like it was plucked from the pages of a storybook, all her furniture antique pieces with a certain level of uniqueness. The room was covered in a pale pink wallpaper, birds and tree branches filling almost every inch. It matched the woman in front of me. Probably in her mid-fifties, Dr. Kedir always seemed like she’d be more at home in a garden or farmer’s market than in the confines of her office. More than once, she suggested we meet outside to help clear our energies.

Despite our different dispositions, she was smart and insightful. She managed to cut through my bullshit pretty quickly. It only took her fifteen minutes to see I was hiding things, that I was more comfortable with things on the surface, not daring to dive in deeper.

She shifted her long, dark box braids over her shoulder, offering an understanding smile. I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my smirk. She already knew the answer, just waitingfor me to voice it out loud. “Because I’m attracted to her, but it’s too complicated to act on it.”

“Why?”

“I’m really starting to hate that word,” I groaned. “Because Cole is my best friend, and if I tried anything with his little sister, he’d kill me.”

She hummed, tapping her pen on her ever-present notepad. “You’ve talked a lot about your relationship with Cole. You seem to be focusing more on how this would affect him, but you haven't said how this might affect you.”

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