Page 8 of Mass Sins

Maybe he could just push me in the right direction and help me figure out what I truly wanted and needed to talk about.

Yes, that sounded good.

Just a little push.

And after that, I would find a priest who didn’t distract me with his handsome looks.

Chapter 3

JOSKA

I could tell she was having trouble opening up to me, but the more questions I asked, the more she talked. And though she was answering my questions, she had yet to explain what the real reason for her crisis was.

She hinted on having come out of an abusive relationship. Without having to tell me, I knew what she meant when she said that her ex hadn’t treated her right. It was easy to figure that out. While her words were cryptic, her eyes told me everything she wasn’t telling me.

I wasn’t going to nudge her into telling me details about her past relationship. We had just met, and while I was a priest, this birthday party wasn’t the right place to talk about personal worries.

Bennie had a way with words. Again, yet very cryptic, the way she spoke was soothing. I caught myself staring at her mouth a couple of times, but I just couldn’t help it. She was wearing a pretty red color on her lips. It was dark, yet I could see her natural color peak through. I had no damn clue about makeup, but she sure knew how to pull it off.

The small gap between her two front teeth was what I liked most about her mouth. It suited her, and I had always foundwomen with little flaws like that attractive. Though, calling that little gap a flaw wasn’t right. To me, it made her just look more attractive. That’s all.

She had a sharp jaw and high cheekbones, yet there was a softness about her that intrigued me. Her nose was straight, with her tip turned up a tiny bit. I noticed that it moved whenever she spoke, which was another thing I would be thinking about once I didn’t have her in front of me anymore.

Her eyes were big and round, with her dark lashes making that golden color of her irises glow. Dark curls framed her tan face perfectly, and the shorter fringe covering her forehead wasn’t taking away from her beauty.

It had been a while since a woman made me admire her so much, but there was something about Bennie that pulled me toward her, wanting to get to know her better.

At this time, I was just a guy at a party who happened to be a priest, and she was a woman who needed someone to talk to her who would simply listen and maybe give some advice.

“…And now that you practically still know nothing about me because I keep beating around the bush, I should probably tell you the reason why I’m losing my faith in God,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“You’re not wasting my time. Fifty percent of my job consists of listening,” I told her, giving her a wink.

“I just want you to know that I wouldn’t be upset if you would want to go back inside.”

“I would like to stay here and talk to you.” I smiled and took a sip of my beer before putting the bottle down and leaning back to get more comfortable.

“Okay.” She pressed her lips together tightly as she gathered the words she wanted to say next. “So, the reason why I’m losing faith is because I’ve had cancer two times. Once when I was younger, and a second time four years ago.”

I let those words sink in for a moment. I never liked hearing about someone battling a sickness as cruel as cancer, and I was slowly starting to put the pieces together why she was feeling faithless.

“I know it’s a stupid thing to say, and I’ve heard many people give me their reasons why I shouldn’t act this way, but I just can’t understand why I was put on this earth by God, only to battle cancer half of my life. It seems unfair that I have to honor him, and in return, he doesn’t keep me healthy.”

Her reasoning was valid. It was something many people couldn’t fathom when things in their life went downhill, when all they’ve done was being good all their lives.

I took a deep breath and smiled gently. “How are you feeling now?” I asked, wanting to know if the cancer was fully in the past or not.

“Good. I feel healthy and I’m happy.Happier.” Her smile was tight.

I nodded. “That’s good to hear. First of all, I want you to know that it’s completely normal to have feelings of confusion when you’re faced with difficult circumstances like that. I can also understand the frustration, and it’s natural to question why we have to endure suffering, especially when it seems unfair.” I paused and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees while I kept my eyes on her. “Is anyone you’re close to also religious?”

“My whole family is, but I guess my dad is the only one I’ve been very close to during all those years. Although…he has lost his faith completely because of my cancer.”

I nodded, taking another moment to think about my next words. “We may not always understand the reasons for our struggles, but it’s important to remember that God loves us unconditionally. I could lie to you now and say that I know whyyou got sick, but in reality, no one knows why some people have to battle a sickness so cruel.”

I stopped for a moment, unsure how to continue. It had been a while since I questions my own beliefs, and God, but because of Bennie, I was doing exactly that.

I furrowed my brows as I continued to talk. “I don’t believe God was the one to make you sick. Do you?”

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