Page 9 of Mass Sins

She looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read. But there was confusion in her eyes. “I mean, I’ve been taught that everything I go through in life is God’s doing. Everything I go through is God’s plan. That’s what I’ve been told ever since I was little.”

I understood that every church, every family had their own idea of who and what God was, and, surprisingly, hers made me think.

I pursed my lips and rubbed my jaw, letting her words linger before I continued with, “As a priest, I should be telling you that, even if it seems wrong, God has put you through all that because it was his plan, like you said, but he also helped you through it. He helped you get better by standing by your side while you battled cancer. But…now that I think about it, that’s bullshit.”

Bennie had been taking a sip of her Coke when I said that, and she choked on her drink, surprised by my words. Her eyes lit up with amusement, and she laughed after setting the Coke down, and wiping her lips with the back of her hand. “See, that’s what I’ve been saying. It’s contradictive. How am I supposed to believe in God when he makes me sick yet helps me get through it. And what if I wouldn’t have made it out alive in the end? What if cancer won? Would that have been God’s plan too? To let me die?”

She had a point. I understood what she was saying, and while I was trying hard not to put everything against my religion, it was nice to have a conversation like this for once.

“I get it.” I reached out my hand and placed it on her thigh, squeezing gently. “What I understood from all this is that you don’t trust him.”

“Not so much anymore, no.”

“That means you’ve not fully pushed him away.”

She shook her head. “Not yet.”

“So then…maybe only trust in him when you think he’ll be helpful.”

She stared at me like I was crazy. And, to be fair, I felt like I was.

I was the first to break God’s trust by doing the unthinkable as a priest, but I still wanted to help other keep their faith.

Bennie chuckled. “So you’re saying I should only trust in God partially.”

“Yes. Because he only helped you partially too.”

Her lips curled into a smirk. She was trying hard to hold back a laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to make me believe in him fully again?”

“No, I’m supposed to listen and give advice. What you do with that advice is up to you. I can’t force you to believe in him the way you had when you were younger, just like I can’t force anyone else to believe in my God when they already made up their minds.”

We looked at each other as the silence rolled over us. I could tell she was thinking hard about everything I said, but she wouldn’t want to continue to talk about this. We had both said enough.

“I really appreciate that you sat with me and listened. I’ll take your advice to heart,” she assured me, smiling gently. Sheplaced her hand on mine, and I squeezed her thigh one more time,

“Anytime.” I stopped for a moment, weighing my options before going for the one I wasn’t so sure she’d react well to. “And I mean that. If you ever want to talk again, let me give you my number and we can meet up. Have coffee and talk.”

She pursed her lips again, and I was starting to love that expression of hers. “Are you trying to ask me out?”

“No.”

“That’s a shame.” She let go of my hand and got up. As she looked down at me with her golden eyes now dark, a flirtatious gleam flashed through them. “I would’ve totally gone on a date with a hot priest.”

With that, she headed back inside, leaving me there, sitting all alone in the moonlight.

I leaned back and ran my hand over my face, chuckling, and shaking my head at the words she had left me with.

She was young. Smart. And maybe far too beautiful for a man like me.

But who was I not to chase after a woman like Bennie?

Chapter 4

BENNIE

“I see you and my brother get along quite nicely,” Tabor said as I stopped next to him and Sin.

I smiled at him and nodded. “He’s a nice guy, and a good priest, too.”

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