Page 91 of Claimed By Desire

I don’t know how we’ll get out of this fucked situation, but I know I’ll find a way so long as I’m with her.

Chapter 35

Natalya

Lev ignores my calls for the next couple of days.

It’s hard to drag myself out of bed. I feel rotten, absolutely rancid, but Alex is there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him encouraging me to keep going.

“We’ll talk to him after he cools down. He’ll come around.” Alex kisses me in the shower and holds me when tears roll down my face.

I think he’s wrong though.

The only good thing to come from this is lunch with Pattie. Alex says he figures I’m safe for the time being while we work out things with Adriano, but he still makes me go somewhere near the apartment and forces me to keep a little panic button in my purse, just in case something bad happens. It’ll summon him he instant I touch it.

Pattie takes us to a little diner around the corner from her shop. It’s nice getting a little time to talk to a normal person for a while. Guilt over Lev is really eating at me, and I think Pattie cantell something’s going on, because after a little while she leans forward and puts her hand on mine.

“Listen kid, if there’s anything you want to tell me about, I’m a good listener. Well, mostly. Sometimes I talk too much.”

“Oh, uh, no, I’m okay, it’s just that—“ I clear my throat and look down at my coffee. “I’m pregnant, and I guess I’m a little scared.”

Which isn’t what I planned on talking about, or really planned on saying, but as soon as the words are out I realize how true they are.

I’ve been carrying around this low-level stress for a while. Things with Alex and the war with the Italians have forced that issue into the back of my mind, but it’s been there this whole time basically waiting for a chance to hammer itself home.

“Congratulations,” Pattie says warmly, a big smile on her face. “Oh hun, it’s totally normal to be nervous. You’re with that big, attractive guy, right?”

“Alex,” I say, blushing slightly. “Yeah, he’s the father.”

“And he’s supportive?”

“Extremely supportive. I think he wants to be a father more than I want to be a mother.” I sit back and cover my mouth with surprise. I can’t believe I just said that out loud—but it’s the truth.

I never really wanted to have kids. At least, not more than the general idea that one day it might happen. Now it’s here and there’s a kid growing in my belly, and I have to come to grips with the fact that I’m going to be someone’s mom much sooner than I ever planned.

Pattie laughs at my reaction. “Honey, seriously, it’s okay. We all feel that way.”

“Do you have ids?”

“Four children and nine grandkids.”

“No shit. Seriously?”

“Seriously.” She takes out her phone and proceeds to run me through the whole clan, from her eldest boy to her littlest grandchild.

There’s so much joy in the pictures, so many happy memories, an entire life of music and laughter and happiness. It’s honestly touching, especially the way Pattie talks about them, like they’re the most important things in her life.

“Weren’t you worried you were going to screw it up?” I ask once she’s finished.

“Oh, god, all the time. I’m pretty sure my first kid’s an anxious wreck because of me.” She cackles to herself and turns a spoon over in her hands thoughtfully. “But the truth is, kids are resilient. So long as you try and you’re kind to them and you do your best to give them some structure and discipline, they’ll be okay. The learning curve is steep, but when you’ve done it once, you can do it again.”

My eyes go wide. “I don’t think we’re talking about multiple kids yet. I’m just trying to get through the first.”

“You’ll change your mind, trust me. The second you see your husband with that little baby, your whole life is going to change.”

I keep thinking about that after we’re done eating. She invites me to another concert at the shop and I politely say I’ll thinkabout it, even though I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to. Alex picks me up at the corner and drives me back to the apartment, and I keep staring at him as he drives. I’m not sure he even notices, but I picture him holding a baby, laughing as the baby smiles at him, cooing and doing baby talk as he changes yet another dirty diaper.

It softens him, or maybe it softens me, but I can see it. I can see Alex as a Dad, doing all the hard things and all the easy stuff too, but mostly being emotionally there for the kid. I know he’s desperate to be better than his parents ever were, and I’m completely sure that’s going to happen.

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