Page 23 of Gracefully Yours

But now, sitting in front of her tonight?

I wondered how I had gone from being so sure of what I wanted to being so terrified of losing her. Choosing friendship was better than the possibility of never speaking to her again. So I’d said nothing. I’d spent the last few years working so hard that I blinked and I was almost thirty, still single, and when was the last time I had even been on a date?

When was the last time I had wanted to?A voice nagged at my brain.

None of them had ever compared to Charlotte, anyway.

I decided it was better to remain just friends than risk losing her.

But I’d done just that and almost fucked everything up at the wedding, hadn’t I?

The waiter came over with a bread basket and took our orders. Steak for me, and Charlotte ordered the pork loin, plus a side of mac and cheese for us to share.

“Okay, so… tell me about your week. Anything new happening at work?”

I thought about all the projects I was working on. As a structural engineer, I did a lot of calculations and design, but I didn’t like to bore Charlotte by talking about specs too much. Sometimes, I’d show her some designs I created for the buildings my firm ended up building, as well as driving her by the finished project. I’d been doing this for over six years now, and I still loved my job. It was a good thing.

“Nothing much this week, but we got a new interior designer at the firm. Stella. She seems great.”

“Oh, that’s nice. What happened to your previous one?” She grabbed a roll out of the basket, tore off a piece, and plopped it in her mouth.

“He retired last month.” I frowned. “Didn’t I tell you that?”

“No.”

“Yeah, they were…” Charlotte’s phone buzzed on the table, interrupting my thought. She looked at it, her expression blank, and turned the screen over so it was face down.

I raised an eyebrow. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Seriously. Char. What’s really going on with you? You keep avoiding me, dodging my questions, and I’m just… worried about you.” Lately, she’d just seemed down, and nothing I could do felt like it raised her spirits for long. I just wanted to see her smile.

She took a deep breath. “Has there ever been something you really wanted, likereallywanted, but you couldn’t have it?”

“Sure.” I cleared my throat.You.“What is it?”

“You’re going to think it’s silly,” Charlotte mumbled.

I shook my head. “Not possible.” I liked to think I knew her inside and out, enough that she could tell me anything.

She gave me a small smile. “Lavender’s pregnant again.” Her older sister. I nodded. “And I think I’m…” Her cheeks pinked, but she didn’t finish the sentence. “I just thought I would already be with someone at this point in my life, you know? I didn’t think I’d be twenty-seven and still be single. I want to have a family. I want all those things she has.” Charlotte screwed up her face. “It just makes me sound jealous and ungrateful, and...”

“I get it.”

“You do?”

“Mylittlesister just got married. I’m fourteen months older than her, and she tied the knot first. How do you think I feel?”

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.”

“You can be happy for her and still want all the things she has. You’re allowed to want things in life too, you know. And you should have whatever you want.”

Her wet eyes shined into mine, and I cursed myself internally, because if she cried again tonight because of something I said, I would absolutely lose it. My need to comfort her was too great.

Our food came, interrupting our conversation as we dove in. We barely spoke two words the whole meal except for a few moans ofthis is so good, andcan I have more of yours?Even her gluten-free pasta was incredible.

By the time we were down to our last few bites, I steeled myself into finally bringing it up. Was it insane? Completely. Maybe she wouldn’t even remember our conversation from college, and then I’d just look like a fool.

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