Page 4 of The Puck Decoy

“I took Maddie’s place,” he confirms, my worst fear springing to life, and I swear his words feel like little shards plunging into my heart. “My father will leave Maddie alone as long as I marry someone of his choosing.”

Oh my god, this can’t be happening. Josh has to get married. Josh.My Josh. Married. The words tumble through my mind over and over again, clashing together like titans until I can barely focus on anything else. What kind of fucked up bullshit is this? I’m no stranger to coming from a prominent family, but my parents would never do something like this to me, no matter what they could gain in return. And what is the Mayor even gaining? What does he get out of using his children like they are pawns in his games?

It’s only then that another thought enters my mind. Josh just proposed. He stepped in and took Maddie’s place, his father isforcing him to take on the business marriage, and now he’s here proposing to me.

“And he chose me?” I say, completely bewildered, I didn’t even think his father liked me, outside of the fact that my last name is Sanders. I’ve always felt like he thought I was weird and insufferable. Josh opens his mouth to say something, but then quickly snaps it shut and just nods. “Oh god you’re serious aren’t you? You really need me to marry you.”

His face is solemn, nothing like the face I expected from the man proposing marriage to me as he sadly replies, “I wouldn’t joke, not about something like this, or literally anything else for that matter.” He’s right of course, like I said, gone is the boy who participated in something as simple as jokes, and left behind is the man his father molded in his neglect.

I can see his despair as clear as day, something I probably wouldn't pick up on if he were someone else, and I know he doesn’t want this. Josh has never even had a girlfriend, not one he has made known anyway. Sure, he fucks around a lot, I’ve heard the rumors, but I have never once seen him so much as kiss a girl in front of me, let alone anything more. Now here he is, sitting in my room and proposing marriage, tomeof all people.

Fate has a sick and twisted sense of humor doesn’t she, because how many times have I wished for something to happen between us? How many times have I fallen asleep making up scenarios in my head where we end up in bed together? How many times have I wished that my best friend’s brother looked at me the same way I look at him? There have been too many to ever possibly count. Yet now here he is, offering me what sounds like the world, only it’s completely the opposite. This isn’t love, it isn’t even commitment, it’s a doomed deal made to protect the only person heiscapable of loving.

As if reading my mind, Josh stands and closes the distance between us, yet he doesn’t touch me this time. “Look, Hals, Iknow I am asking a lot, especially from you, but this is Maddie we are talking about. If I don’t do this then my father is going to punish her for it, and I don’t know any other way to save her, not yet at least. Please, just help me do this, help me save her,” he pleads, and just for a second, he’s back to being the lonely boy on the ice again, asking me if I’m playing, and just like that very first day, I can’t say no to him. Not to the little boy back then who became my first crush, and not to the grown man now who became my first love… and I guess, my first husband.

“We’re going to need some ground rules,” I start, knowing that if I am agreeing to this then I need to protect myself. “If we do this then we need to have a solid agreement in place.” I push away all the emotions fighting against one another inside of me and focus my mind on logic and reasoning. He needs my help, and I am going to help him, it’s as simple as that.

I move to my bedside table and pull out the green notepad and sparkly pen I keep in there. Of course they are both untouched, I hoard both items for their beauty only, but right now I have nothing else on hand, and this doesn’t feel like a scrap paper or phone notes kind of deal.

“You’re serious?” Josh asks, his eyes fixed on the things in my hands as I move back towards him.

“I am always serious about making lists, Joshua.” I don’t know why I need to remind him of that fact, he knows me well enough by now, he has been witness to plenty of my lists over the years, and the subject of many more, not that he has seen those ones.

I doubt he’d appreciate all the pros and cons lists about him that I have hidden in my phone notes.

I quickly start jotting on the top of the pad and when I move my hand, Josh snorts. “The never forever rules, really, Tink?” The old nickname rolls off his tongue so easily that I have to fightto keep the smile off my face. He really has no idea of the effect he has on me.

“Number one,” I say out loud, ignoring him completely. “No kissing.” My hand shakes as I write and I hope he doesn’t notice, I hope he thinks this rule is because it suits us both. I’m sure he has kissed hundreds of girls, and is as skillful at that as he is on the ice, but there is no universe where I could kiss Josh Peters and then walk away with my heart intact.

“Number two, no lying to one another.” I am gripping the pen so tightly now that my fingers are turning white. I also feel like a total hypocrite right now considering all I do is lie to him about my feelings towards him, but it’s okay because I’m pretty sure I lie to myself a lot more.

“And number three, absolutely no falling love.” I finish that last one with multiple exclamation marks and Josh flashes me with that rare smirk of his that has those butterflies roaring to life inside of me.

“Just had to add the exclamation marks to be sure I understood that one, huh?” he asks, cocking his brow at me and I shrug. “Don’t worry, Hals, you already know I’m not wired to find and appreciate something as simple as love,” he adds with a smile, not realizing his words have just shattered the heart that beats for him.

I’m not stupid, I was present for most of his childhood, for his father’s affairs and shortcomings. The only love he ever experienced was the love he has for his sister, and the love he got from his sister, so of course he doesn’t believe he is capable or even worthy of feeling the joy that love can bring. The pain in my heart intensifies as I think about the love my parents showered me in, so much so that it was both glorious and suffocating, and I can't help but wonder how Josh would have turned out if he had been offered the same. Would he be different if he had bloomed in the sun instead of wilting in the shade?

“Okay now what?” he interrupts my thoughts, and I have to take a deep breath to keep my emotions in check before I answer.

“Sign here.” I shove the pad towards him, and he holds my stare for a couple of seconds before rolling his eyes and taking the pen from my hand with another side grin.

He signs his name in a neat little scrawl and then hands it back for me to do the same. Then silently I return the pen and pad back to my top drawer for safekeeping, and then steal my spine as I return to him.

“Okay, now ask me to marry you,” I demand, and he blinks back in confusion with a dash of exasperation, and it reminds me so much of the boy who used to be my best friend. The same boy who I forced to propose to me with a ring pop on vacation when I was eleven. That was the first time I agreed to marry him, and he promised he would one day swap the ring for a real one, until I ate it, that is.

“I just did ask you to marry me like three times,” he states with a frown and I have to smirk. This boy. So strong-willed and defiant, yet I still know every access point to get under his skin and annoy him.

“No, you need to ask me properly,” I state, repeating the same line I did when I was eleven, once again straightening my shoulders in preparation for the big question.

“Hallie, will you marry me?” he asks with an air of annoyance, and I roll my eyes, letting my shoulders drop.

“No,” I reply.

“No?” he repeats in question.

“Yes, no, that’s not how you ask properly,” I tell him, and he tips his head back and looks up at the ceiling, no doubt recalling how serious I am when it comes to my hand in marriage.

“I really forgot how annoying you are,” he grumbles, and I try to ignore the veins that spill down his neck into the collar of his shirt. Why does he have to be so hot?

---