Page 3 of The Puck Decoy

I have known Josh since I was nine years old, but in recent years I have for some reason, become the absolute bane of his existence. We used to be best friends, inseparable really, and I’m not sure when that changed, I just know it did. Josh was eleven when I moved in next door to him, and I can still remember the very first time I saw him. My mom and dad were shouting orders to the movers and trying to contain the chaos, as all our earthly possessions were transferred from truck to house, and that meant I was left unsupervised to explore the grounds. It was December, yet still it was unusually cold, but when I came across the boy in the snow with a stick and a puck, the freezing air suddenly melted away.

He was a force on the ice even then, and all I could do was stand and stare in complete and utter fascination, as he flew around the makeshift rink he’d crafted out of rocks. I’d never had a crush before, but I was pretty certain that from the moment I laid eyes on him I was changed forever. That something in me was irrevocably altered, and as if moved by magic, I started walking towards him until I was standing in the middle of the fake rink and completely in his way. I expected him to yell, or at least tell me to shove off, but he just stared at me in wonder and confusion until he finally said, “Well, do you want to play or not?”

That was the first time he ever spoke to me, and the first of many games of hockey we played together, and to this day they are still some of my favorite memories from my childhood. It wasn’t long after that, that I was introduced to the rest of his family and met my best friend Madeline. Maddie and I bonded quickly over our shared love for Taylor Swift and our aversion to pickles. I mean, what else do you need at nine years old?Then we quickly became inseparable, sitting together in every class, and spending almost every evening in our rooms gossiping about anything and everything, yet not once did I ever speak of the butterflies in my stomach that occurred anytime I looked at her older brother.

My eyes unwillingly scan him from head to toe as I take in his strong muscular form, completely irresistible in his black tuxedo. His blond hair is tousled perfectly, just like always, and those blue eyes like steel are sharp, focused, and completely annoyed, just as they usually are when looking in my direction. He looks angry, which again is the norm lately, but there is a simmering tension burning beneath the surface, almost as if he is nervous or something, which isn’t like him at all.

I clutch my dress even tighter and take a deep breath to prepare for the battle with him. “To what do I owe this displeasure, Joshua,” I drawl, forcing my eyes to his, and praying he doesn’t notice the blush now burning up my neck. I’ve become an expert at hiding my feelings for him over the years.

Which is a stupid notion because of course he doesn’t notice, he never does. I’ve been in love with my best friend’s brother for almost a decade now and he still looks at me in the same way he did the day that I stepped in the middle of his rink. Yet tonight I can’t help but notice there is something different about him and his stare.

“Can I come in?” he asks, those ocean eyes sparkling with an intensity I have never seen before, and it makes it hard to breathe.

“Maddie isn’t here,” I force out, trying to subtly inhale another deep breath to calm my now racing heart. The only time he looks better than he does right now is when he is burning up a sweat in his hockey uniform, yet still his entire presence is distracting.

He offers me a grim smile. “I know,” he starts, clearing his throat. “I, er, I came to talk to you.” I was right, he does look nervous, which like I said, is a first for him. I haven’t seen him look this unsure since before he learned how to ignore the taunts his father would fire his way when we were young.

Too surprised to say anything, I step aside and let him pass as I try and recall the last time he ever came to me directly for anything. Of course, there is never a time we don’t talk. I see him every couple of days since he checks on Maddie often, and I’ve done my own checking on him in recent weeks given the tension between him and her new boyfriend and everything that happened, but this seems different.

I give him my back, closing the door behind us, and then take a final deep breath before moving towards the stairs. “Can we talk in my room, I am already running late,” I say pointlessly, considering him being here makes him just as late as I am.

Josh follows me without a word, slipping into the uncomfortable silence that has become our norm in recent years. Gone are the shared jokes, and teasing taunts, and left in its wake is a stalemate of twisted barbs I can’t recover from. I don’t think he means for it to be this way, but once he went to college he put this distance between us and now everything from before is lost in the void that is now our common ground.

I move straight to the chair at my dresser and sit down to slip on my heels, clutching the bodice of my dress to my chest to keep it in place as I slip the straps around my ankles. “So what can I do for you on this fine evening, Joshua?” I ask in an attempt to hide my nerves, standing in my heels and checking them out in the mirror while running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to make it look effortlessly styled.

I can feel Josh’s stare on me and it makes me nervous, just like it always has. I know it’s cliche, falling for your best friend’s brother, one who has no interest in me, but when he looks at me,it’s like everyone else in the world ceases to exist. If only it were the same for him.

“Okay, well,” he starts, trailing off, once again looking intense as our eyes collide in the mirror. He takes a step towards me when his stare drops down my back, no doubt taking in my unzipped dress, and without thinking his hands automatically dance up my spine to fasten me up. I’m sure he doesn’t notice the goosebumps his touch leaves behind, and I practically leap away from him as his fingers skirt against my skin, causing him to rapidly retreat his hands. “Sorry, I forgot,” he mumbles, moving back to my doorway, and before I can ask what he means, he adds, “Hallie, I need you to marry me.”

I freeze, momentarily caught in a time where the boy I’ve loved since I was nine has just asked me to marry him. No, that’s stupid, of course that’s not what he said, I’m just letting the fantasies I make up in my head before bed run away with me.

“Sorry what?” I ask with a laugh, knowing I misheard him somehow.

“I need you to marry me,” he repeats, more certainty in his voice this time, and somehow I definitely heard him right, though it doesn’t make me believe him any more.

We stare at one another without a word, just like we did that day on the ice, only this time he doesn’t break the silence. He’s looking at me expectantly, patiently even, waiting for a response to his question, but all I can do is stare back blankly, as I try to work out what this interaction could possibly mean. Maybe it’s some sort of new humor I am not picking on. I am known to be bad at that kind of thing, jokes don’t always land with me, but it’s been a long time since we shared any kind of joke with one another.

“Is this some sort of prank I don’t understand?” I ask nervously, hating the confusion that stains my tone. “Like when I was twelve and you went to kiss me but then you fell off thatrock?” I quickly add, before the nerves building up inside of me explode and render me silent.

Josh smirks now, some of his usual bravado returning as he leans his huge body against the frame of my door. “First of all, I wasn’t trying to kiss you, you had something on your face,” he lies boldly, and now I have to smirk at him for still holding onto his version of events for so long. He’s such a big fat liar. “Second of all, you pushed me off that rock,” he recalls, pointing his finger at me in accusation.

“Eh, potato, potato,” I say with a shrug, knowing full well the panic and nerves that burned through me when he tried to kiss me that day. Yeah I pushed him, hard and fast, but I’m never gonna admit that to him. The same way he will never admit to me that he actuallywastrying to kiss me.

“Hallie,” Josh sighs, his exasperation returning, and this tone is one I am definitely more familiar with in recent times.

“Joshua,” I toss back sarcastically, and his face turns solemn.

“Hals, this isn’t a prank,” he confirms, leaving his spot by the door and closing the distance between us. “I really need you to marry me.” Seven words I have imagined in an entirely different context, yet somehow this one is a lot weirder than my smutty dreams.

“I don’t understand,” I admit in a whisper, knowing that out of everyone, Josh is the last person who would judge me. He knows me better than almost anyone.

I have always known I was different. It was never something that was shied away from in my household growing up, and when I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at seven years old, it was something we celebrated. There was finally a reason I was different, a reason certain things were so hard for me, and a reason I looked at the world in a way others didn’t. It’s why I don’t feel scared to ask for more context with him, because he understands my need for it, and doesn’t hesitate to grant it.

“Do you think my father just accepted that Brad was out of the picture, and let Maddie be with Nova without consequence?” he starts, fury lacing every word as he steps away from me and takes a seat on the end of my bed. “You know him, you know his aspirations, if it wasn’t Bradley Thorne then it was just going to be someone else, maybe even someone worse. I couldn’t have that, so I stepped in.”

I let his words wash over me, nodding at each and every one of them until I focus on the last three. “You stepped in?” I repeat slowly, trying to make sense of exactly what he is saying. “What does that mean? What did you do?”

Panic sets in because I already know the answers to the questions I just asked. I know Hugo Peters far better than I wish I did, and I know about the marriage deal he tried to blackmail his daughter into these past few months. Which means I also know that it was foiled somehow, and what Josh means when he says he stepped in, but for some reason I need to hear him say it.

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