Page 75 of Echoes of Us

“I told you to stop calling me that,” I said weakly.

He held onto my wrists, loose enough for me to pull away if I wanted, but still clinging to me. He had stepped closer too.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. And I’m sorry for leaving you like I did and for being a coward. I’m so sorry. I know you won’t forgive me, but I’ll keep saying it.”

It had been so long since he had been this close to me. His hands moved from my wrists, brushing my skin and intertwining his fingers with mine. I inhaled sharply through my nose.

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you anymore. I know you don’t trust me, but I never lied about how I felt about you. That never stopped.”

I gazed into his eyes, feeling their pull, their power over me. I felt like I could melt into them.

“Why did you come back?” It was both a plea and an accusation. Just like all the rest, I didn’t want to know, but I had to ask.

Noah gave me a puzzled look, like he couldn’t believe I was asking him this.

“For you.” His words came easily as he shrugged his shoulders in a hopeless manner.

Even though a part of me felt relieved by his answer, another bigger part just felt conflicted. I hated how he made me feel. I hated this fucking pain in my chest. But it wasn’t just me. He was hurting too. I could see it in those damn eyes.

I closed mine and leaned my forehead against his. A familiar shiver ran through my body at the contact. It was like muscle memory. My body moved on its own, responding to his proximity as it had so many times before. I let go of his hands and grabbed his neck. He arched into the touch,bringing his lips closer to mine. I could feel the electricity of his touch on my back, his hands clinging to my shirt.

“Noah.” I exhaled.

“Yes?”

I felt the word on my lips. I swallowed. “I need you to leave,” I whispered.

Noah’s grip on my shirt tightened before slacking. He moved away from me.

Overcome with the need to pull him back, I slipped my hands to his shoulders. He leaned his face on my chest.

“I’m so sorry,” he said again.

“Please leave, Noah.”

He moved from my grasp and reached for the door behind me, opening it, but I pushed it closed again. My body acting against me again. I looked at him, and he stared at me with his hand still on the door handle. I couldn’t let him go just yet. Not after what he had admitted to. There was still so much between us. If this was closure, it sure as hell didn’t feel like it. I had gone so long without him.

I reached for him again, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close. It hurt, feeling him come so easily towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pushed upwards, resting his face against my neck. As he breathed out, I could feel the warm gust close to my shirt’s collar. His hair brushed against my face, and I rubbed my cheek against it, inhaling his scent—soap and sandalwood. It was so familiar that it made the pain in my chest swell into a piercing ache. He had changed so much, but he was still Noah.

“I fucking hate you, Noah.” I tightened my grasp.

“I know,” he replied.

“I wish I hadn’t met you,” I whispered to his hair.

He was quiet for a while, and neither of us let go.

He sighed after what felt like hours. “I think you saved my life, Atty. I don’t think I’d be here now if I hadn’t met you.I really wish I hadn’t fucked yours up in the process, but you saved my life, so thank you.”

This conversation was weighing so heavily on me. My chest wouldn’t stop hurting. It turned into little waves of pain. Every time one passed, the next quickly followed. I couldn’t let him go. I needed more before I could let him go.

“Noah, can you stay the night?”

He stayed silent.

“I’m not asking…” I took a deep breath. “It’s just sleeping. I need a little more time,” I said.

He nodded against me, holding me tighter.

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