Page 27 of Echoes of Us

I could barely sleep that night, replaying everything in my head over and over. Noah’s face kept flashing before my eyes—the haunted look, the way his eyes seemed to plead for something I couldn’t understand. It was like he was another person. The Noah I knew hadn’t been there yesterday. The conversation with Colin, who had explained the two Noahs to me, now made so much sense, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

The next day, he called me. Four times. I finally answered, and when I did, he let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” he breathed out on the phone.

“Hey,” I replied.

Silence.

“Atty, I’m so sorry about last night.”

I closed my eyes, unsure of what to say, so I stayed silent.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry,” he repeated.

I stared at the ceiling, my chest tightening. “You know it’s probably not my place to say anything about this, but it really hurt seeing you like that,” I told him honestly.

“I know it got a little out of hand?—”

“I’m guessing it usually gets a little out of hand,” I interrupted.

He paused before speaking again. “I shouldn’t have said what I did to you. I’m sorry about that,” Noah said, his voice edged with annoyance, almost as if he was frustrated with me.

“Consider it forgotten,” I said, knowing my tone was cold.

He took a deep breath. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, sounding upset.

My eyes slipped shut and I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see it. “I don’t get you, Noah,” I said quietly. “You’re so fucking confusing.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I know,” he said, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“Do you want to be my friend? Is that what you want?” I asked, my voice softening slightly.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then I need you to stop pulling shit like this,” I told him firmly.

“I promise I won’t do it again.”

“I’m not talking about what you said to me, Noah. I’m talking about how you treat yourself.”

He took another deep breath. “Atty, it’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is. It’s not like you’re drinking like a normal person or trying drugs out. You do it really aggressively, and it’s hard to watch. If you want us to be friends,” I told him and swallowed. “I can’t be your friend if this is what goes on with your life when you disappear.”

He stayed quiet for a long time. I listened to him breathing on the other end of the line, trying to remain firm in my words even though I was terrified he would hang up. I pressed my hand on my knee to keep my leg from bouncing.

“Okay.” His voice was steady.

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

He let out a soft laugh. “Okay, yeah. I’ll stop. No more parties at mine.”

I smiled, closing my eyes, feeling incredibly relieved at hearing those words. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that,” I said, exhaling a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“So, can we forget about it? About all of it?”

I didn’t know if I could erase the memory of him pressing up against me like that and looking up at me while my hands were sliding on his naked back.

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