Page 159 of Echoes of Us

Noah gave me a brisk nod, and I turned, walking away from him.

I made my way out of the house and sat on the front steps, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. It was almost like he turned into another person when he was upset. How could he go from singing me love songs to being this selfish? I couldn’t understand it.

Someone sat next to me, and I sighed, knowing it was Colin by the familiar way he settled beside me.

“Are you okay, Att?” Colin’s gentle voice brought me down somewhat.

I shook my head, feeling the sting of tears I refused to shed. “I can’t believe he would pull something like that.”

“What happened?”

“He wanted me to go to Seattle with him next weekend, and I said no. Trying to make me jealous was his very mature response to being denied something,” I explained, the bitterness seeping into my tone.

“Att—”

“You’re right. I need the space. I’ll move in with you. We can work something out about rent, right?”

Colin placed his hand on my shoulder. “Of course. I’m really glad to hear that.”

I took another deep breath. “I just don’t get why he turns on me like this.” I lowered my face into my hands. “Every time something upsets him, he takes it out on me. Where does he go? It’s like he’s not there.”

“I’m sorry, Att.”

“Don’t you mean to say, ‘I told you so’?”

“No, I don’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this. What’s going on with school?”

I told him about the meeting and falling behind in classes. It was hard managing everything: classes, training, games, and Noah. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Colin reminded me I wasn’t responsible for Noah. Being in a relationship shouldn’t feel like a responsibility. I tried to explain that it wasn’t like that. I was happy with him. It was just this whole situation making everything more complicated.

By the time I had calmed down, I felt terrible for snapping at him. Not because I wasn’t right, but because it didn’t matter. Noah needed something different from me right now—he needed much more compassion, and I had lost it.

I tried looking for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I called him repeatedly and even saw the guy he had been flirting with, but he was thankfully absent. I went outside towards the garden, calling him again.

“Hey.” Noah walked towards me, his hands in his pockets.

I sighed, hung up and met him halfway. “Hey, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” I told him.

His eyes softened. “You have?” he asked, surprised. He wore that kicked puppy look, a guilty one.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I should have told you about my advisor when I got to the house,” I said.

“No, Atty. Don’t apologize for that. This was all my fault. You were right. I was trying to punish you for not coming with me, and it’s incredibly unfair. You did nothing wrong,” he said quietly.

I reached for the side of his face, and he moved away from me. I cocked my head, confused.

“I’m sorry,” he added.

“Thanks for apologizing, and I know it wasn’t just a trip,Noah. I know why it’s important to you. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you, but I’ll be here waiting when you come back.”

His eyes drew away from mine. “When is enough enough, Atty? Aren’t you tired of forgiving me?” he asked, his voice small.

“Everybody makes mistakes. As long as you know you messed up, it’s okay. Plus, what’s the alternative? Breaking up? I love you, Noah. I don’t want to be without you.”

Noah clicked his tongue and closed his eyes. “Damn it,” he said under his breath.

I tried reaching for him again, and this time he leaned into the touch and covered my hand with his.

“Do you want me to stay mad at you?” I asked, confused.

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