Page 160 of Echoes of Us

“Yes. I think it’d be easier if you were still mad at me.”

“What would be easier?”

Noah didn’t answer. He grabbed my shirt collar and kissed me. It was one of those kisses where I knew he was aiming to make me forget about everything but him. It worked like a charm.

We went home after that and ended up in bed, feeling each other.

When we were done, I lay in bed, watching Noah standing by the sink. He sneezed a couple of times and sniffled.

“Allergies?”

He shrugged and grabbed his toothbrush. “Or I’m coming down with a cold. It’ll pass.”

He brushed his teeth, and I heard him sniffling again.

The fights didn’t stop. Every day, it was something new. Stupid things that became huge in a matter of seconds. Noah had to go to Seattle on Friday, and every day that week, we fought, made up, had sex, and started over again. He was stillhaving trouble sleeping, but he had stopped drinking so many Red Bulls. The singing and dancing stopped. I tried to focus on schoolwork and ignore the nagging feeling I had in my chest. Something was off with him, and instead of leaning on me, he was a million miles away. The only time I felt him close was during sex, and I knew it wasn’t just Noah craving that closeness; I needed it too. I missed him singing in the mornings and his easy smiles. Whatever was weighing on him, he wasn’t able to deal with it, even if he refused to talk about it.

I hoped that, when he came back, things would return to normal and I could stop having this feeling in my chest, like a hole growing, leaving me aching and empty.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FOUR

AFTER

Isat across from Holly at a secluded coffee shop near campus, the kind of place with dim lighting and cozy corners perfect for hushed conversations. We were tucked away at a small table in the back. She ordered a glass of wine, trying to nudge me into doing the same, but I refused, waiting for her to go on.

“Let me start by saying, I didn’t lie to you, Att.”

I leaned back in the chair.

“When he left, I had no idea where he went. He didn’t tell me either.”

I felt a pit form in my gut. “Why are you bringing that up?” I asked. This was supposed to be about his medical condition, not about me or the breakup. She gave me a look that reeked of pity.Damn it.

“Because it happened two weeks after he left.”

The weight of her words was pressing on my chest.

“I think Noah must have a guardian angel or something,because he called me a couple of days before, and I landed in New York that same day,” she continued.

The pain kept getting stronger, heavier.

“What day, Holly? What happened?” I asked, our eyes locking.

She shrugged, her expression pained. “The day Noah overdosed.”

A tremor ran through me. I shook my head slightly, trying to process. “Why didn’t—” I began, my voice faltering.

“He asked me not to,” she interjected quickly. “When it happened, I freaked out and rushed him to the hospital. I didn’t even call his mom. I pretended to be his sister, got in the ambulance, and dealt with that. The first person I called was his mom, and it was the next night.”

“What happened?” I needed to know more. All of it.

“Noah never talked me through it. The only thing I could piece together was that he had people over, started having chest pains, and told one of the assholes with him to call me. I called an ambulance. When I got there, they were all gone, and Noah was in the back, plugged in. They told me it wasn’t just cocaine. He had taken a bunch of other stuff too—pain meds, strong stuff,” she explained.

Chest pains. “What else?” I pressed.

“He was in the ICU for a week, had a couple of surgeries. He had a mitral clip…that was the main thing. It’s a noninvasive procedure, but there was a complication, and they couldn’t do it. They had to go in again with a bigger one. Nobody knew he had a heart condition before. It was a small thing. It shouldn’t have affected him, but combined with the heart failure...” She trailed off, shrugging helplessly.

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