Page 28 of Outcast

The thoughts were still there.

I was only good enough for Rita to fuck.

I wasn't good enough for Javier.

Matías was the golden child, and for what? Doing absolutely nothing.

"Shit," I muttered as I climbed off my bike and pulled off my helmet. At least I was tired enough to sleep off the rest of my anger.

Javier didn't think I was good enough for shit? Fine, whatever. I was still a Dirty Dog.

I walked to the side door of the compound. This was my home as much as my house was and I'd be fucked if I let anyone scare me off.

As soon as the door opened, shouts and cries came from inside. I didn't think twice, just started running toward the main room.

What the hell? Some of the wives were here.

They were crumpled against their men or on the couches. Several of my brothers stood off to the side, blank eyed. Others hugged and buried their faces in each other's neck.

"What happened?"

Ricco glanced at me. "You didn't check your phone," he said. I pulled it out as he hustled my way.

There was a message sent out to the club chat.

Ricco: Javier passed. Blood clot.

That was it. All they'd written.

My head got light and I stared at the floor. My phone slipped from my fingers, busting against the concrete floor. Then in a swell of self-hatred I bellowed and turned to the wall.

I punched that motherfucker so hard, my knuckles split. The pain felt good. Like I deserved it.

I was an idiot. I should never have left his room. Why'd I let his words get to me? He hadn't said anything I didn't know. About him or Rita.

Yet, I made my choices, and I let my anger get the best of me and walked out.

And Rita…

I yelled again, getting all my rage out as I slammed my fist into the wall a second time.

"Stop, kid." Ricco pulled me back. But I was a beast. I fought him off of me, then the next Dirty Dog. Then the next.

Each time I clipped one of them with my hand or elbow, I felt a little more human. With the speed I was taking hits, they needed this too.

All that kept flashing across my face was Rita's beautiful pert nose and perfect face. Her devious cat eyes that held nothing back. And how devastated she was going to be.

We couldn't tell her.

How could we fucking not?

I flopped down on my ass and draped my elbows on my knees. We had to tell Rita. Catching my breath, I reached over and grabbed my phone. The screen was hard to see through the new cracks.

Me: Rita, baby...

I sent the message. Then without giving it too much thought, I broke the news. As quick as I could.

It took a minute, but she read it.

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