Page 27 of Outcast

Javier knew all this already. "The new gang is setting up shop on the corners."

He nodded. "And I'm laid up in this hellhole. It's a weakness we can't afford. Just Matías' name is scary to motherfuckers like that. Hell, he wouldn't even have to do anything. Just being head of the Dirty Dogs would be enough to keep away all the fucking posers."

What the hell was it about that guy? Was his dick madeof gold? That might work for Rita, but whatthe fuck? Javier too?

"He's a coward, Javier. He left. Broke Rita's heart. He's not worth shit," I spat as my head felt increasingly stretched from the pressure inside it.

"You don't understand how the heart works. Not Rita's."

I jumped out of my chair. I couldn't believe this shit. "Is this what you want for her? Someone who will leave her over and over again? Someone who's too afraid to take her back when she needs it? To keep her safe when she fucks up?"

"And that person is you?" He glanced up at me, the edges of his dark irises cloudy from age.

"Damn straight, that's me. Whether she wants me or not." I heaved, losing my cool. "I fucking love her. Is that what you want to hear? She wants Matías' dick? Ricco's? Some fucking guy in the Bastard Brothers’ company? I can't do shit about that. But doesn't it make you feel better knowing someone likeme–”I thumped my chest. “–is looking out for her? Always?"

This wasn't what I had planned when I walked in here, but this aching need to get his approval, even if it was only on the surface level, clenched in my gut. I needed him to tell me I was good enough.

Shit. I’d never thought about it but now that it was out here, I needed it.

All Javier did was look up at me with a ruthless sort of pity in his expression. His lips tugged down into a frown like he was measuring his words before he told me how much of a failure I was.

But I wasn't. I was far from it.

I worked my ass off for the Dirty Dogs. I won deals,delivered punishments, solved problems the old assholes tinkered over for years.

"It's not you, son."

I closed my eyes. Javier was like a father to me. The man must collect fatherless sons for a hobby.

"Rita loves Matías. She always has."

"And you?" I opened my eyes and glared at him, refusing to let him see how his words seared me to the bone.

"He's the son I never had," Javier said softly. "If things had been different, he would have been the next President."

"It doesn't matter to you that he fucked off for selfish reasons?" I shouted.

"It matters because he's not here. I can't change the way it should have been."

"Fuck that. You can't live in the past. Placing all your hopes on one man and forsaking every opportunity after it, is stupid. Let go of the fucking past," I growled as I leaned over the bed. "Ricco was right. You don't need a babysitter. You're just fine. You'll always be just fine, right old man? Maybe the next time you wake up, Matías will magically appear. For you and Rita."

I stormed out, barely able to see where I was going from all the anger clouding my brain and vision.

Fuck, I'd never been this pissed.

He thought I wasn't good enough? That Matías was the magic bullet that was going to save the day?

Delusional was what he was. Fucking rocked in the head.

Matías was a selfish coward who only really cared about his brothers. Fuck everyone else.

I passed a handful of Dirty Dogs on night watch. Several tried to call out to me, but I ignored them.

Outside, I gulped down fresh air like water and hoppedon my bike. As soon as I kickstarted it, I ripped out of the parking lot. My body buzzed too much to head home, so I took the scenic route to clear my head.

It worked, for the most part.

By the time the sun was high in the sky, I was exhausted and drained just enough that I was numb.

---