Page 5 of From Maybe to Baby

"Clause Twelve."

"What?"

"Check Clause Twelve of your contract."

I grab my laptop, pulling up the document I probably should have read more carefully five years ago when I was too excited about free luxury hotel stays to care about fine print. There it is, in legal language that basically translates to "we own your soul":

Content creator agrees to produce material in accordance with publisher's strategic direction, including adaptation to market trends and demographic demands as determined by publisher.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. You hate that I'm right about this being good for your career."

"Same thing." I drain my cocktail. "How long do I have?"

"First piece runs in October."

"What? That's... that's two months."

"Which is why you're starting research now. Check your email. I've booked you into the Hale Olu’olu Resort in Hawaii. Two weeks of family-friendly fun."

How can I make him understand the words "family-friendly fun" are a death sentence? A slow, torturous death sentence?

Does he have any idea what he’s doing to me?

"I don't suppose I could outsource this to someone who actually likes children? Someone who doesn’t use the Instagram tag #ChildFreeByChoice?"

"You have over a thousand posts with that hashtag.”

"My point exactly," I say.

"Stop avoiding the inevitable, Alexa. It's unprofessional."

I stare at the infinity pool, where the same honeymooning couple is taking their hundredth "candid" photo. "What about my followers? They come to me specifically for child-free content."

"They come to you for your voice. Your honesty. Your ability to find humor in any situation." He pauses. "Also, the publisher thinks your 'no kids' stance is limiting our advertising potential."

And… there we have it.

"I see. Follow the money."

"Always do, Alexa. Look, it's two weeks. Write in your usual voice, just aim it at kid-friendly spots. Best case? We tap into a whole new market. Worst case? You get a couple weeks in Hawaii on someone else’s dime."

"While surrounded by tiny humans with sticky fingers who make scary noises and vomit a lot."

"Consider it research for your brand expansion."

"I haven't agreed to expand anything."

"Check your email. Flight's tomorrow."

"I really hate you."

"Your flight's business class."

"...I hate you slightly less."

"That's the spirit. Oh, and Alexa?"

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