I reach for my phone and open thepostmates app.
There’s something slightly humiliating about having a pregnancy test delivered to your door. But I can’t risk going into work and taking one of the free ones. If one of my colleagues were to see, how the hell would I explain who the father is?
Oh yeah, about that… He’s just a murderer who’s been stalking me for years and when we had sex, I was blindfolded so I never saw his face. But don’t worry, we’re buying a three-bed house in Queens and getting a golden doodle!
A hysterical laugh escapes me at the thought.
The next thirty minutes are the longest of my life as I wait for my delivery guy to drop off my CVS bag. It doesn’t help that he barely looks old enough to drink and practically throws the bag of pregnancy tests at me as if he might catch something from them.
“Asshole.”
I take the bag into the bathroom.
My fingers shake as I tear open one of the boxes and unwrap the test.
I wish I didn’t have to do this alone. I wish that Lucia orhell, even Lev himself, could hold my hand as I set the test on the counter once I’m finished and wait for the results.
As soon as I set the timer, my mind starts to race.
Lev doesn’t exactly strike me as a white picket fence kind of guy. And even if he was and the thought of being a father filled him with joy, how the hell are we meant to start a life together when he’s got a target on his back put there by the Koslovs?
I’m so deep in my spiraling thoughts that the sound of my timer going off makes me shriek.
“Moment of truth.” I reach for the test.
“Holy crap.” The two pink lines have my knees buckling, and I have to grip the counter to stop myself from falling to the floor.
I’m not sure how to feel.
I’ve always seen myself as having kids, but not like this. Part of me is thrilled, but it’s not enough to mask the devastation.
How can this ever work?
After all, my family may want him dead.
But I wanthim.
And right now, I can only hope that he wants me, and this baby.
I guess there’s only one way to find out.
I need to tell him, so I take the positive test and head over to the window in my bedroom.
It will be hours until dark, and even then there’s no guarantee that he can sneak up here.
I have to hope that he’s watching as I place the positive pregnancy test on the windowsill, and that he’ll be able to sneak up here under the cover of darkness to find it.
I head back to bed with theweight of this news resting heavy on my shoulders, knowing that the fate of our future rests in the hands of the Koslovs.
24
LEV
I frownwhen Elle places something on the ledge of the window.
She looks out at the street below, her expression strained as she searches for me.
What could she possibly be leaving for me?