Page 103 of Where We Fall

“I will. Thanks for everything. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Now, it’s just me and my food to keep my thoughts company tonight in this lonely, empty apartment.

I try envisioning what it would be like to do long-distance with Marcus. I can picture weekends together in Chicago, walking hand-in-hand as we window shop or enjoy lunch on the water. Or curled up together in front of his fireplace on cold winter nights. Reading in his library while cuddling together on my favorite chair.

Then I think about him wanting to settle down and get married. Me telling him I can't leave my mom. Us fighting, him eventually resenting me. The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't bear it if he ever hated me.

I walk back to the kitchen counter and grab another dessert. Why does this feel like an impossible decision? It feels like the choice is either break each other's hearts today—or in the future.

Chapter Thirty

Marcus

"Whenareyoucomingback to work?" Mia asks as I flip through the channels on my television.

I take a deep breath as I try to keep my composure. "I don't know. Monday."

"I miss you over here. I know it's only been a couple of days, but still."

It'd be a lie to tell her I miss her. The only one on my mind right now is Lexi. I miss Lexi. I haven't showered since Tuesday when I last spoke to her. It's now Friday.

I've never felt this before. I don't want to do anything. All I have the motivation to do is eat, drink, go to the bathroom, and watch television.

"I guess you aren't ready to talk about it yet?" Mia says.

"No, I'm not."

"Are you coming to Ma and Pa's on Sunday?"

"It depends. I'll see how I feel."

"Well, call me if you need anything. Remember, we all love you."

"Thanks. Love you, too."

The childish part of me wants to pass on telling her I love her, but I can't do that. I may be depressed about Lexi and angry at my family, but I still love them. Especially Mia, she's always had my back. She sometimes seems caught in the middle of having my back or being tough on me like my brothers, but her heart is pure.

I look down at my watch. It's only noon. She's at work right now.

I told them I needed the rest of the week to myself.

Not that anything has helped. I wish somebody warned me that love could lift you up, but it could also crush you.

I need to get out of here, so I head to the only place I can think that might help me: Ma and Pa’s.

Since I’m showing up unannounced, I knock on the door.

Ma opens it. “What in heavens are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

I shrug my shoulders as I stare at the ground. If I look up at her, I know I run the risk of letting a tear break free.

“Get in here,” she demands, pulling me by the sleeve.

The door closes behind me, and I kick off my shoes. We go into the family room, where Pa is reading the paper.

It’s such a nostalgic feeling. It’s like time has stood still in this house. The age of technology hasn’t infiltrated it, and there is something so calming about that.

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