Page 91 of Where We Fall

When we get back to the hotel, it’s much of the same as last night. He insists I take a shower first.

When I get in, I crank the heat up to high in an effort to work out the tension in my muscles. It's not easy to have so much cortisol running through your body continuously for days. My body feels like it could use a massage and a full day of rest. For now, it will have to settle for a hot shower.

After Marcus showers, we eat dinner in bed and watch a rerun of one of our favorite shows.

The show's familiarity gives me some sense of calm amid this storm.

I don’t have much appetite, but I manage to get down most of my steak.

When it’s time to settle into bed, I lie in his arms and listen to the steady rhythm of his heart.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel like coming back home to Chicago is inevitable. I just can’t let my mom slip away alone in a nursing home. I know she’s not always with it, but there are still good days every week.

Soon, she will slip into a permanent life of memory loss.

“You’re quiet again. I can feel that something is weighing on you. Talk to me, Lex.”

I take a deep breath. He’s right, I should talk to him about it. No good can come from keeping it bottled up and hidden from him.

“I’ve been thinking about moving back to Chicago.”

There, I said it. It’s out in the open, but the shift in the room is palpable. His body has gone from warm and snuggly to tense and cold.

“Have you?”

I nod my head. “This is going to be a long recovery for her. I can’t leave her alone for it. Not while there is still some of my mom left in her brain right now.”

“That makes sense.”

“Plus, I doubt her current facility will be able to accommodate her level of care. I’ll have to help her get settled in a new place. It’s just too much to do from another state.”

I start to cry. Oh, gosh, we just started dating. There’s no way he wants to commit to a long-distance relationship so soon.

Plus, I have to move back home for good. If I do it, I can’t just leave when my mom’s condition worsens. That would be horrible.

No, this move back will have to be permanent. And Marcus’s life is back in Cleveland: his siblings, their company, his parents.

“Hey,” he nudges me with his arm. “Don’t cry, baby.”

“What does this mean for us?” I ask through thick, heavy tears.

“One day at a time.”

I look up at him through my tears. Nothing about any of this is fair. Just when I found someone who I love and who loves me. Just when my life was starting to turn around, and I was feeling truly happy for the first time in my life.

He takes my face in his hands and brings me to him. Our lips close down on each other. It feels raw. We are standing at the precipice of heartbreak, not sure what life has in store for us.

But right now, all I want is to feel his lips on mine, to savor the feeling of his body against mine.

When his tongue slips inside of my mouth, everything else feels like it’s miles away. I don’t know how he does it. His hands move my head to the side to deepen the kiss even further.

I feel weightless. That’s what he does to me. He takes all the stress that is holding me down and removes it, if only for a moment.

We strip each other’s clothes off, and he lays me down on the bed. I open my legs for him.

When he sinks into me, we both sigh in relief. This is exactly what I need. He rests his head on my shoulder and freezes for a second.

“I love you so much, Lex,” he whispers.

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