Page 28 of Where We Fall

"Ugh, I'm gonna kill him," Savannah says, the answer evident in my silence.

"No, no, please don't. It was honestly good for me. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I grew up with only my mother. She wasn't a big fan of dressing for anybody, so I never put in any effort. My friends have been begging me to do something like this. They were both ecstatic with the results."

Alexis sighs. "It still wasn't any of his business."

I shrug. "Maybe…maybe not. I was all on board for it, until…"

Memories of last night flash in my mind. I got a phone call from the assisted living center last night after I fell asleep. They left me a message letting me know that she had settled down and all was forgotten. Although I'm grateful they remembered to call, I'm still feeling confused about this new me, and wondering if it was selfish of me to do without considering my mom.

"Until what?" Alexis looks concerned.

Instead of overthinking it, I fill them in on everything. Mostly, the guilt I'm left with from last night.

Neither speaks for a minute as they are taking in my words. I like how thoughtful and considerate they are.

"Are you happy with how you look? Honestly?" Savannah asks.

I think about the feeling I have every time I look in the mirror at the new me. The level of pleasure and satisfaction it gives me. The newfound level of confidence.

"I am. I'm actually very happy with it."

"You have to live your life for yourself, Lexi. Nobody else," she says.

I nod my head. "I know. It's just really hard to see her get so upset. It was easy to just place the blame on myself."

"She'll get used to it. It's not like you made any major changes. But despite her reaction, you can't put your life on hold or hide who you really want to be to make her happy," Alexis says.

"It's sometimes hard to separate the disease from my mom. Like, I wonder if she would be okay with it if I did this before her disease."

"I'm sure all of your questions and fears are normal things that every loved one goes through when their parent has dementia. But again, you have to prioritize your own happiness first," Savannah tells me.

I nod my head. "You're right. Thanks for listening. Sometimes it's easy to get in my own head and just tell myself what I'm doing is wrong."

"No problem. Don't hesitate to come talk to me anytime you need to clear your mind. I'm always here," Savannah adds.

It's nice to feel like I'm finally making some close friends since I moved to Cleveland a year ago.

The rest of the lunch we talk about much lighter subjects, like Alexis's kids and Savannah's pregnancy. It's still stuck in the back of my mind that I need to figure out what I'm going to do when I see my mom tomorrow morning before we fly back. I don't recall what clothes I packed, but I might need to run to the store to find something baggy. As pathetic as that sounds, I don't know if I'm ready to stand up to my mother, or if I'll ever be.

An hour later, I'm sitting in a chair with my hairstylist, showing her a picture of the style of my dress. When she asked me how I'd like my hair for tonight, my blankdeer-in-headlightsstare was enough for her to know I'm in uncharted territory.

"Oh, that's very pretty. It's simple, letting the cut of the dress do all the talking. I think we do the same with your hair. I suggest we do a low bun. I'll leave the hair on the sides a little loose and have some fall free to give a softer, more romantic look."

"I trust your judgement," I tell her.

While she does my hair, I'm let to sit here to relive last night. I wonder if Marcus is panicking. Is he going to bring it up or are we not going to talk about it?

He hasn't texted me at all today. I'm kind of disappointed. But then again, I was the one who ran out of the room this morning. What else can I expect?

I'm lost in thought when I realize she's telling me to head to makeup. My hair looks incredible, nothing I would've ever been able to create on my own.

I thank her and follow her directions to my makeup artist. This time with makeup, I feel more confident in what I want. I tell her I want everything to be simple and elegant except for my lipstick. I want a big pop of color on my lips.

We settle on a dark beige color that will pop off my light pink dress.

By the time the four of us are done, we only have forty minutes to get back to the hotel and change. While we walk back, Mia pulls me to her side.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Lexi."

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