Page 53 of Regrets

“Have a good time, Penelope.”

My name is drawn out with something sinister behind it, and I know if I don’t leave quickly, he will no doubt try to mess with my head.

“I intend to, Linc.”

He doesn’t move, and I hear Colt laughing outside with Lola and Ash. “Is that so?”

His lips are full and pouty, and I hate the way he’s looking at me. He and I share a secret whether I like it or not. I’ve tried to bury it over the past few weeks. I wanted so badly to go on like it never happened, but I can’t stop thinking about that night.

Colt and I have essentially gone back to normal, but I haven’t slept in his bed since, afraid of getting too close. The betrayal burns too deep inside me.

“Yes.”

He looks over his shoulder and out the door, but then his eyes land on me. “So, is this trip finally it? You’re going to finally get into his briefs? What’s your plan?”

I keep my voice low, but I’m horrified he would ask that, not that I should be surprised. “That’s none of your business.”

“Well, he is my brother, after all.” He folds his toned arms over his chest. “I think I deserve to know if he’s about to be crushed.”

I look him straight in the eyes, hating what I did, but unsure of just how much. “I’m not telling him, Linc. As far as I’m concerned, it never happened.”

“That’s your story,” he leans in, his large body crowding mine, “when he pushes inside you and isn’t met with any resistance because I was already there?”

“Stop.” I keep my voice low but make sure it’s firm. “I’m sorry you’re pissed-off, Linc, but stop trying to get in my head. He isn’t going to notice the difference. It’ll be fine.”

I watch his face and see his anger and something else as his neck stretches tight, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob. “So, that’s just it? You’re going to fuck him, and we never happened?”

“What do you want me to do, Linc?” I point toward the driveway, but no one is paying attention to us. “You want to go out there and tell them all what we did? You think that will do any good? You think Colt will say ‘oh okay, no problem’?”

“No. It would kill him.”

“Exactly.” I search his eyes for the boy who I first introduced myself to, for the boy who made me a cute braided bracelet with a little “P” charm attached for my eleventh birthday, the one who wanted to make sure I was safe. “What we did waswrong because it would hurt the person we both love more than ourselves.” He’s watching me intently, really listening as I take a deep breath. “And it was . . .”

“Don’t you fucking dare call it a mistake again.”

My eyes drift outside to Colt and his infectious smile as he puts Asher in a headlock and they mess around before the long car ride. I turn back to Linc. “I wish I hadn’t liked it, Linc. I wish it hadn’t felt so damn good.”

His arms drop to his side, and he looks pained. “Itwasgood.”

I nod, unable to argue. “But I love Colt.” I don’t want to hurt him, but I can see I have. The thing is, I don’t think Linc is in love with me. I think he loves to toy with me.

“I do too.”

I nod and squeeze his arm. “Then we have to try our best to move on and pretend like that night never happened. He’ll never forgive us.”

“Have fun, P.”

I smile and take a deep breath, walking outside to climb in the large SUV we’re taking to the lake house, watching out the window after everyone gets in and they all wave to Linc as he stands out on the porch.

I feel like he has a piece of me that I’ll never get back. His face is broken and full of some sort of loss I feel with him.

The outside of the lake house looks the same as it did weeks ago at prom, but it will forever remind me of my passionate encounter with Linc.

Lola, Ash, and I go for a swim while Colt hangs out on the dock, watching us before we all have dinner together outside on the deck. Before I know it, everyone else has gone to sleep and I’m in Colt’s room.

In his bed.

His lips press against mine, and I try to get lost in him. I love him. I love the way he kisses me and how it makes me feel warmand safe. I love being in his arms. The sweet caress of his lips should feel good, but the guilt of what I did only a few weeks ago is eating me alive, and I can barely breathe as my body is tucked under him.

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